09 Aug
Shanmugi B.P

My aunt’s son is fatherless since he was born and he was a great and sweet brother for me. For the past 5-6 years he is so much addicted to the smoke, drinks. But when I become adolescents and came to know about this bad behavior. I just made him to avoid these. As he also avoided and totally forgot about those. But now he again started to do the same because of me. As I am not talking to him, spending my time, he feels sad and frustrated and begins to smoke daily. It really makes me so sad and depressed. However I am trying to spend my time and chat with him he wanted me to always there for him. What can I do?

Responses 5

  • Ayushi Jolly
    Ayushi Jolly   Sep 16, 2017 08:25 PM

    hey there I hope you're doing well. 

    I see two separate issues in this case. The first being his addiction to smoking and drugs and the second being his attachment and sensitivity towards you. You can always helping with the addiction thing by first of all explaining him how bad it is and it is not lead to anything fruitful secondly you can also consult the elders in the family or maybe his mother or your relatives so that they can help him through a brighter future. Secondly talking about your attachment towards his it is nice that you care about him and it is important for him to realise that even if you're not physically around him all the time that does not in any way mean that you have stopped caring about him. It is important for him to understand that you are with him even if you're not physically there. This might be due to the fact that you are one of the few people in his life with whom he is close to and maybe he is afraid to lose you so he wants you to be around. so you know you can talk to him directly and explain to him step by step dad it is OK to be away for awhile and you always there for you no matter with corner of the world you are sitting in right now.

  • Priya Parwani
    Priya Parwani   Aug 13, 2017 07:33 PM


    Hope you are doing good. Firstly you have to be strong and should understand that you are not responsible for his bad habits. It's his fault that he his inclined towards all these things. No one can affect anyone's life until and unless he/she is willing to do that. So you should clear your mind that you are not responsible for his condition, so don't feel sad and depressed. As you have told that you both share a good bond, then you can make his situation better by making him understand that he have become a responsible person and should take his health and life seriously. You should tell him that you are not going to be with him forever, so he has to learn to live without your company. Talk to him and make him realise that whatever he his doing is wrong and dangerous for his health.

    Just don't be aggressive or don't leave him because he needs you and you should act calmly and maturely and support him and listen to him without being judgemental. Just be there for him.

    Hope this will help.

  • Reshma Venugopal
    Reshma Venugopal   Aug 10, 2017 03:56 PM

    hi there.

    Firstly, good job in showing concern for your cousin. Secondly, you need to know where to hit the breaks when it comes to things like smoking and drinking. 

    Yes, it is sad what he has gone through as a child, and despite that, if he has been a sweet and caring person, then this means he is pretty strong. And the last thing you need to tell a smoker or drinker is that is bad behavior. Now I know everyone can't simply approve of this, but if he is old enough to make this his lifestyle then be it. You just need to put a break on it when it is over done and interfering with his daily life and relationships. So don't isolate him completely because of his habits, that won't change his mind. The least you can do is let him know that it bothers you and not to do it around you. He will respect you and understand that. Just let him be who he is, let him know how he can improve this if he wants to, and most importantly let him know that you are always going to be by his side whenever he needs you.

    Creating an understanding scenario will always improve things.

    Hope this helps :)  

  • Shubhanshi Singh
    Shubhanshi Singh   Aug 10, 2017 01:12 PM

    Hello there! 

    Its for easy for a person to get attached to others. Your aunt's son is dependent on you. When you aren't there, he resorts to drinking and smoking. He lacks control and needs something or someone for support. 

    He needs to know that he cannot depend on things for survival. He needs to come out of this habit because everyone can't be there with all the time. Had it not been you, he would have been addicted to something else. 

    It'll help him if he understand that he is addicted to something or the other which is not healthy. 

    He can be asked to channelise his energy onto better things instead of wasting him time on drinking and smoking. He can indulge into some hobby or get a job.  He can do social volunteering for peace and get to know other people on the way which will enlarge his social circle. 

    I wont ask you to completely detach yourself from him but it's okay to limit yourself from too much affection. 

  • Anushree Nandi
    Anushree Nandi   Aug 10, 2017 06:32 AM


    You can tell him to try these alternatives these might take his mind off cigarettes. 

    Find an oral substitute - Keep other things around to pop in your mouth when cravings hit. Good choices include mints, carrot or celery sticks, gum, and sunflower seeds. Or suck on a drinking straw.

    Keep your mind busy - Read a book or magazine, listen to some music you love, do a crossword or Sudoku puzzle, or play an online game.

    Keep your hands busy - Squeeze balls, pencils, or paper clips are good substitutes to satisfy that need for tactile stimulation.

    Brush your teeth - The just-brushed, clean feeling can help get rid of cigarette cravings.

    Drink water - Slowly drink a large, cold glass of water. Not only will it help the craving pass, but staying hydrated helps minimize the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal.

    Light something else - Instead of lighting a cigarette, light a candle or some incense.

    Get active - Go for a walk, do some jumping jacks or pushups, try some yoga stretches, or run around the block.

    Try to relax - Do something that calms you down, such as taking a warm bath, meditating, reading a book, or practicing deep breathing exercises.

Book an appointment