Total 47 Stories

  • 20 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    My beliefs were wrong

    My beliefs were wrong

    Belief is very important to humans. We all believe in something that keeps us going. For some, belief in God is important, for others, belief in themselves. But what happens if your beliefs are wrong?

     

    As my children grew up and spent long days in college, I started to feel more and more alone. Slowly, I lost the energy to do my daily tasks and could no longer enjoy the tasks I used to before.

     

     My daughter suggested that I may be depressed and that I should go to a doctor. She offered to take me many times but did not want to force me and I didn’t say yes.

     

    My husband was always travelling for work, ever since we got married. However, it was only lately that I started doubting that there might be another woman in his life.

    My depression made me feel all these thoughts I was having must be true, and that I was no longer an enjoyable partner.

     

    I was convinced to the extent that I had stopped eating regularly and fainted out of weakness one day. Then my children took me to Nagpur where we have our family home and of which I have many happy memories. My husband came to. We went to a good clinic there and they said that I had delusional disorder.

     

    They said it was very common for this to occur if the partner was absent during depression. My husband felt extremely guilty and requested his office to give him a steady position in Nagpur.

     Currently I am staying with him in our old family house, and with medication and therapy, am able to deal with the delusional belief I had about him being unfaithful. Things are slowly getting better.

  • 20 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    I hate school

    School phobia

    Today’s times are so different from the time I was a child. Back then, we had no choices like today. Life was simpler. If your mom says you had to go to school, you just had to. Being bought up like that, I could not understand or accept it when my son Adi had school refusal. It was so strange and difficult. Everyday there was some new excuse, but somehow we coaxed him. He cried and thrashed around but we made him go. One day, he just refused to go, no matter how much coaxing or threatening.

    I was getting late for office and so was his dad, but when we saw him like that, we got really scared. We took him to a doctor for check-up. The doctor said Adi is physically fine. But something is troubling him, he said. Something about the school must be troubling him. He sent us to a child psychologist.

    She spoke to us at first, then spent an hour alone with him, and called us back in again. Adi looked much more relaxed. She asked him to wait outside. She told us that his best friend had died, did we know? We were shocked. He never mentioned it to us. Adi’s best friend Rahul had a troubled home and was thrashed a lot by his father. Reportedly, he had sought help from the teachers at school but no one did anything. Ever since the news came to Adi that one of the beatings had been fatal and Raul had passed away, Adi had quite obviously hated his school.

    We were so busy, we did not notice that he had stopped mentioning Rahul, and neither did we see his mood changing. We felt really ashamed. Earning money was important but not so important that we don’t give a good life to the one we are earning it for. We resolved to be better parents and entered therapy ourselves and got better with our communication and parenting skills. After counseling, when Adi was better, we also changed his school. We are a much happier family now.

  • 20 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Sleep Walking

    Sleep Walking

    I was the epitome of calmness. No incident was bad enough to anger me beyond control or impulsively. We underwent huge financial crisis and I lost my mom and dad, and of course, I cried like any child would, but I had a grip on myself and was back to normal pretty soon. I surely felt it all inside me, but I was able to study and work just fine.

    It was only me and my brother and bhabhi at home now, with my parents gone. One morning, I woke up to find myself not in my bed but on the lobby bench. How did I get here? I was really puzzled. The next day, I woke up with a knife in my hand.

    I and my brother were really worried. He said I used to get up in the middle of the night and go out. He was scared for my safety so he had double-locked the door. Angry at the locked door, I had picked up a knife from the kitchen. My brother tried taking it from my hand, but that just made me angry, so he gently put me in bed with the knife.

    First we thought this may be some black magic or something paranormal, but later we decided to see a doctor first. We were sent instead to a psychologist specializing in sleep disorders, and she told me that I had sleep walking disorder. She said it was triggered by all the stress I went through, plus being a closed sort of person I did not confide in anyone and so it came out like that.

    Slowly, in therapy I expressed all my doubts and fears and sorrows, and cried bitterly. But I got better. I slept well and gradually the sleep-walking stopped.

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  • 20 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Worry

     Worry

     People talk about stress and worry all the time. However, quite a lot of them are able to forget their stress and worry quite easily when they go home to engaging hobbies or loving family or funny friends. That’s not how it was for me. I worried constantly. Each morning, I was scared to look at the newspaper. Of all the crimes and deaths and traumas reported in the newspaper, I was scared. Whenever I met my friends and family, I worried about them. When I sat to study, I worried about my result.

    I was starting to think that something had gone wrong with me. I was not always like this. What had happened? I do not remember much from before the time that mom died. Mom used to worry a lot about dad’s health, because he used to travel a lot for work and it would take its toll. Along with that, the changing weather and food, not to mention the risks of some of the commute modes, would keep her in thoughts for hours. She was always worrying about how we would be safe in dad’s absence.

    One day, I came back from school and saw that our door was open. Inside, mom was lying with… her throat slit. Some thieves had come, and when she had made a lot of noise, they had killed her… I was so shocked I could not speak for days. That time has passed and dad married again. My new mom is okay. At least she does not harm me.

    She told me that I should speak to a counselor about the worries I was having. She suggested a friend of hers. There I came to know of my anxiety disorder, triggered by mom’s death. My brain was thinking that unless I worried and took care of everyone, they would pass away like mom…

    Slowly we worked through my beliefs in counseling and I worry much lesser now. But there’s a long way to go…

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  • 20 Dec
    Shiva Raman Pandey

    Couple therapy-how we rekindled the fire

    couple therapy

    Love is one of the most beautiful human experiences. My story of love was fairly typical. She was someone I met in college.  With some hesitation, I approached her, but soon, we were friends, and then in a relationship.

    There were the usual obstructions of career and family, but we glided through all that, to a marriage in our late 20s. Slowly, the monotony of daily life and the pressure of work crept in.

    We no longer had the novelty of a new relationship, nor the goals like ‘convincing parents’. We were done with all that, and now it was just the two of us.

    That’s what’s wrong, we thought. We should have a child. We did, we had two children. For a while, we got busy with them, but then later, that too became routine.

    The odd thing was that we hardly ever fought. We had just fallen out of excitement and intimacy for each other. I longed for those days in our youth when we just couldn’t wait to see each other.

    Now, we had hardly anything to say. I was getting tempted by other, younger women in the office.

    Many of my male friends told me this is normal and that I should take a ‘chance’ when I can. I could have gotten away with it had I wanted to. But I believed in our love and wanted to figure a way out.

    I went to a counselor. She explained to me how the roles of mother, wife and office-goer put so much stress on my wife that she hardly had any energy left for me. She said we did not have fights simply because she did not have the energy to express her anger and disappointment in me.

    I was shocked. When had I become like every other typical man? I was resolved to make things better. I started participating at home, and also took equal part in upbringing the children.

    I bought my wife too and we underwent couples’ therapy for better communication skills. Things were much nicer now, but one thing was still lacking: excitement. We decided that the dream we had of travelling is what would unite us again.

    We made a plan of budgets and started ticking of destinations one by one: first the Indian ones and then foreign countries. On some of these trips we took the children, and on the rest, it was just the two of us. And that’s how we rekindled the fire.

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