My days were often black and white; I didn’t like communicating with my friends anymore; I was engrossed with my weaknesses; I was frantically looking for a solution and then there was a ray of hope when I began searching ‘mental health helpers’ on Google.
Being from a small town like Rohtak, I never had good psychiatric clinics around me, and if there were a few in nearby cities, they were immensely expensive.
Moreover, I couldn’t explain my anxity/panic attacks to anyone. Whenever, I had the shivers, I even had to bear sentences like “koi is par kala jadoo kar raha hai, kisi mahatma ko dikhana padega”, as our society is completely blind to mental health issues even today; they understand witchcraft and black magic and unnatural stuffs like that but they do not understand anxiety as a real problem in someone’s life.
I was despaired; my mother advised me against any treatment fearing that my normal mental health setback will be viewed as a stigma on my character by the society, and there will be problems in me getting married.
I was in dilemma; I knew I needed treatment but couldn’t take the step forward because my family was not supporting it.
One day my friend informed me about a good lady psychiatrist who visited our local private hospital. I told her my problem was not something as serious as turning up to a hospital, but yes I needed help. I took an appointment on a Friday; it was the only good hospital in our neighbourhood and it generally remained crowded. However, there were not many people in the waiting list of the Doctor that day; I felt relieved. I waited from 11 a.m. in the morning till 4 p.m. in the afternoon but there was no sign of anyone; the staffs informed that she was travelling and would turn up only later in the evening.
Small town hospitals don’t interest our mental health practitioners much because they know that they won’t have much patients in such areas.
I gave up the idea of taking up any further appointments as I realised that going for treatment in these hospitals meant giving up a whole day’s work. My job was suffering; I was not on leave but had to remain out of office the whole day; I needed an alternate option.
My marriage got fixed to happen after about four months on 20th October. My would be husband was from Delhi. My panic attacks had not ceased. In fact, they haunted me more often now. Whenever a task needed urgent completion, I would be anxious and suddenly the shivers and jitters would appear followed by profuse sweating and foaming in the mouth. Everyone in my house was worried as to how I am going to manage all this in a different city! in a different household! I was worried too.
We shifted to Delhi at the end of October 2015. Now I was a housewife trying to set up my new home, my own way. There was no regret as I was happy with my husband, however, anxiety never left me. Many a times, at night, I would suddenly wake up in sleep to wonder what my future will be like without a job; what if, my in-laws come and stay with me! How will I presumably adjust? And then the profuse sweating and nausea would start all over again. One night my husband found me in this state; he served me water; he was concerned about my health because I had not revealed my problem to anyone in these 2 months of marriage.
One day, I was lazily surfing sites; as because I had least work to do now during the day when my husband was away to office. I often browsed through career websites uploading my resume wherever applicable. That day, I was doing the same, when I felt, “what is the use of looking for a job! My problem has not been solved yet! Amit planned to consult a mental health expert for me, but he was too busy. Now if I join a job, my problem would be revealed to the new society here”, I felt scared. My last job location had witnessed a few incidents of my vulnerable condition, and I don't want same thing to recurr in this new location.
I started searching on Google ‘mental wellness expert psychologist’ (as I was assuming that here I can get better results, as Delhi was a big city)
The top result on the first page of Google result was something very different for me- an online mental health clinic; wow! The world is changing to online model; now counselling can be done online! Amazing!
However, lack of trust is always there initially. I checked on their website- www.ewellnessexpert.com
There were a few sections defining their work. I started going through their blogs and stories and surprisingly there I found numerous articles on anxiety and panic attacks and how they can be dealt with in the daily life. I read through them carefully; I really liked the simple tips they suggested for getting rid of anxiety without much hassle or medical help.
I found the ‘Free question’ area; I thought this would be the best way to try out- I posted there, “Do I have anxiety disorder?”, and to my surprise, it was responded within an hour on the site itself. The next day I again visited www.ewellnessexpert.com, I felt much relieved. I started reconciling with myself. I was not the only one suffering and my problem is not something out of the world as my relatives made me feel.
Immediately, I discussed with Amit and decided that I will opt for an online counselling session; it required no extra time for visiting a clinic; it didn’t mean losing work time, neither for me, nor for my husband; I could sit at home and consult an expert who would analyse my problem and help me.
I gave it a try; I booked an appointment for one of the counsellors on eWellness Expert and I was amazed by their punctuality, as they appeared immediately at the time fixed for the appointment. It was easy, I just had to sign in as a user before taking the appointment. The practitioner ensured that anxiety was quite a general problem in the mass; nothing to be worried about. He suggested a few exercise which I am supposed to practise each day in the morning. He spoke with me in detail about the social and professional setback that I was facing each day in Rohtak and it comforted me a lot. I spoke at lengths on my worries which are usually long-term thought processes and for the first time I was actually heard in these 12 years. That made me feel much better. He suggested a routine plan for me for three weeks and I followed it religiously. I am really satisfied with eWellness Expert. Nowadays, I join their forum discussions too which are intriguing and interests me a lot.
Most importantly, the charges are moderate as anything. It breaks the myth that counselling is for the rich and whimsical beings.
I wish more people get to know about this user friendly platforms eWellness and reclaim their happy life back. I really congratulate eWellness expert for their incredible work and wish them luck for their future work. I am really grateful to them; I am viewing quick recovery in me; I feel free now; I feel I have a helping hand next to me which I have never felt with my family also, in all these 12-13 years that I have been suffering with anxiety.
Image: Just a representative image from Times of India