Total 47 Stories

  • 10 Nov
    Oyindrila Basu

    He defined love, but distorted it himself….

    cheating in love

     

    Samar: Look I just don’t want to keep any contact with you. It would be better if you don’t call me again.

    Me: But….. but why are you doing this? We have spent so much good time together.

    Samar: No, I do not have time for all this. The relation will not have any future, so I feel I am just using you.

    Me: why do you think, the relation won’t have a future, ofcourse, when you get a job at Bangalore, we can still be in touch over the phone and net.

    Samar: No I just don’t want to continue, I don’t want keep a contact, I have my girlfriend….. you know that don’t you? so please don’t bother me.

    Me: Samar I can’t force you, but the relation has been very precious to me. I have been serious, please don’t break it up like this, atleast we can be friends… you take your time… think over it…. After few years if you feel, your mind has changed, then we can settle on something…

    Samar: I don’t want, I just said…………. If I ever feel like, I will call you……now please leave….

    Me: Yes, if you feel like, please call me….

     

    I waited, several days, several months, but never the call from Samar came to my cell. Whenever there was an unknown number, I would presume that it could be him, calling from elsewhere, because he was missing me, and wanted to communicate, but perhaps not owning up.

    This last telephonic conversation with him is still fresh in my mind, I may be sounding like a nagging child, a person who is so cheap as to go on and on with the pleas for getting love back, when the other person doesn’t just want to continue, but remember Geet’s dialogue, “Jab Koi Pyaa mein hota hai, to kuch sahi galat nahi hota”, I guess it is true.

    And I was just in my tweens, and he was my first love, yes even today, I won’t shy away from admitting it, he was my first love, but he never loved me back.

    Months passed away, me brooding over this disastrous break up.

    I cried and cried every morning as soon as I woke up. The regular pain was unbearable, but I kept attending classes in my college, I could not openly tell my parents anything, but they knew something was wrong with me, and that was even more embarrassing for me.

    Only a few of my friends knew my story, some were with me some went against my ideology. But I persisted with my ‘depression’ for 3 long years, yes today I know it was severe depression, which distorted my health, well I do not complain about it, for that helped me achieve a lovely size-zero figure. J

    I kept mailing him, sometimes with sad love songs, sometimes quotes (well I really did not know, what better these things could do for me), but as a young tween in my 1st year, I felt this could convey my heart’s agony to him. There was not a single response.

    The mails from my side continued, sometimes like “you nasty bastard, you asshole……….. you cheapo………..you will die in the drain”, because I would be just so angry at myself for loving a person, who was just passing his free time with me. I blamed myself, “why? Why didn’t I realize it that day, the very first day….!”

     

    The social hangout hub of City Centre was blazing with lights. The Sunday evening is never very peaceful there. Mobbed with faces, the shopping mall just shows how enthusiastic the city can be.

    I was with two of my friends, my best friend Asmita, who was already head over heels for Samar, and Ritica, who has always been a positive supporter. I have dressed myself up properly with the best I could. For the first time in 20 years I was going to meet a boy alone, though the purpose was to convince him accept the love of my friend Asmita, who had admitted to me already that she could not live without me.

    You must be wondering, why would a stranger listen to me! Well the story goes 6 months back, when I had visited the college fest of Asmita as a guest.

    She was in an engineering college, and I was a student of English, that too in a girls’ college. Girls’ school, girls’ college, no boys, no fun………and ofcourse no idea :/ hence the disaster.

    Anyway, the day I visited their college, I came to know who were the most notorious people in their campus, one of whom was Samar. The group popular for drugs, drinks, smoke, politics, and no attending classes.

    After a week or two, Asmita informed, that Samar had noticed me and had enquired about me to her. Someone has noticed me, appreciated me, oh my God! That was so exciting. Anyway, Asmita was in love with him, so I was not thinking anything for myself.

    I started chatting with him over Orkut, I can say, the first move was from his side, he had tracked me down and sent me a friend request (today the site is an obsolete one, but in those days, it was the hot cake, the first social networking site).

    And our chats continued, with Asmita in focus, from my side, though he always wanted to avoid her in the topic of discussion, but whatsoever the chats went long and long, and the café manager’s bill too J

    I was liking it. The new experience was good, though I scolded myself because I should not be feeling this way.

    Finally, we decided to meet at City Centre. I was ready with my backups, Asmita and Ritica. As 5.00 PM was approaching, I was having roller coasters in my stomach. Asmita was equally excited, for she would get a glimpse of him.

    He came, we met him, my friends left me and went home. I was confused what I was going to say, I was nervous, but I didn’t let that show on my face.

    He spoke about himself, I spoke about Asmita. But Samar clearly said: “Asmita is a junior to me, I know what you are trying to say, but I can never accept her love, why don’t we speak about us, I like you.”

    I was upset because I attempted something and I failed, but I was also anxious, whether it was a new beginning for me. I know you will feel what kind of a girl am I! If Samar did not accept Asmita, I should have left without a word.

    But truth is stranger than fiction. When the logic is clear that he did not like Asmita but me, then how could my quitting help her!

    Samar and I had a long conversation. He admitted that he was one of the bad guys. He was popular among girls, but he had never been serious with anyone. Heart breaks were his type, and he cared less to imbibe any bad habit.

    He had a girlfriend in college, with whom his friends put him into a relationship.

    But after all these discussions, I felt even more attracted towards his personality. Why is it so? Why is it that girls always fall for the bad guy?

    It’s a psychology, opposites attract! It’s in your mind, that when a person is preaching his bad sides to you, he must be a good person in nature, or else he would be pretending to be good, and I thought the same, and it is evident how wise I was.

    He was playing with my mind. “So is this the end, are we not meeting again?”, I said with hesitation “may be not”.

    A new phase of life started, our midnight phone calls began, our long discussions on his hobbies, my hobbies, what he liked about me etc. etc.

    One day he revealed that his playboy nature was because of a severe wound he received from a girl in his high school, whom he had loved.

    But she had rejected his proposal. His girlfriend in college was a namesake, and it was not yet time for his family to know about her, or may be the time would never be. 

    The game could not have been better. I sympathized with him, and as a ‘wise’ and ‘intelligent’ girl, I believed that I could change him, give him a better life.

    On the other side Asmita had begun hating me for this. I loved my friend too, but I could never explain her the situation. I myself was unsure of what I was doing.

    We started dating each other, occasionally, I loved our walks in the evenings, the hesitant touches, and the long long conversations. I was already into the relationship.

    But one day, he started avoiding me. He would not call, and when I called, he spoke to me as if it did not matter anymore, he didn’t care I was happy or hurt. He had played his game, and now it was my necessity to continue the relationship.

    I would call him at alternate nights to speak, but he was most reluctant to. He usually kept quiet with occasionally monosyllabic replies.

    Meetings had reduced in frequency. I did not know what was happening. I have always been a strong person, but this was difficult for me to handle. The regular anxiety was attacking, painful, disrespectful, but I didn’t even wish to end it.

    Finally, this telephonic conversation after a year of relationship, though I know now, that probably it was one-sided.

    He was just making a joke, for I later came to know from one of his friends that he was just trying to win a bet with his friends, by winning me over. Every day, he went on a date with me, he discussed them with his friends in minute detail, about what we have talked, what we have done, it has been just fun for him. He wanted to win the challenge.

    After this information, I just wanted to kill myself. After a breakup, there will always be a reconsideration on your self-respect, on top of that when we come to know, that you have just been a chess piece for someone’s game, you suddenly start hating yourself for your foolery, your idiocy, and to compensate and regain your self-respect, you wish to achieve what is impossible.

    And hence started my chase for Samar. When he was posted to Bangalore on job, I found out his new number from one of his senior colleagues, whom I have not heard of ever, after trying to connect with him for months (you can imagine the effort it required for this search).

    I called him up, “Hello, how are you, are you good?” only to hear, “how did you get my number, how dare you call me up hear? Don’t you dare do this kind of nuisance again”.

    It took me almost 3 years to recover from the mental shock, but as I said, I have always been a strong person, and have lived my life on my own terms, so the responsibility of my mistake was mine.

    I never blamed anyone else, I never revealed the event to anyone in my family to avoid further humiliation. My mother has seen me suffering, I was irritable, anguished, I often spoke rudely with her, but she bore with me, in silence and resilience.

    Depression has its side effects and I have been through all of them. Days were long, when I wished for never ending nights. I refused to eat, refused to accept any normal activity. But my family has always been a support even in my stubbornness.

    Today I realise, how foolish and stupid I have been. I laugh at my own actions today. Imagine sending love songs! Ridiculous!

    I started believing that love was bull-shit, all that our Hindi movies displayed was fantasy, mere eulogization, I had lost all faith on people.

    There was nothing called real, no-one was real, no emotion was real, I believed. This is a phase which will last with you for quite some time, if you face with a breakup for which you have not been responsible.

    I felt humiliated, insulted, rejected as a human being. Dejection was my friend, nothing positive was there, but I tried convincing myself, that “I will succeed in life, one incident cannot destroy my spirit completely, if this happens, he will win, the crook will win…I have to recover, I have to be the game changer”. May be this strong perseverance is the only thing, that helped me move on.

    I cannot finish my story without mentioning about my husband, who was somewhat related to this incident (I won’t name or mention how), but he had also helped me come out of my Utopic world (where I believed love can change everything), he made me face the reality.

    Today we are a happy couple, and before marriage, I have been in a long term relation with him, this period helped me identify love in a new way.

    Love is not just about feeling, or about attraction, but it is a commitment, about responsibility towards each other, and I have realized these qualities in my husband in these 5 years.

    Today when I recall Samar, I laugh at how I have behaved at that time, I do not hold any grudge against him today, because he is no longer important. But I can never forget or forgive him for the three long years of my life that have been wasted in suffering.

    With my experience I can say, get the first warning of a one-sided relationship, when your partner is just not interested to initiate any action.

    Rather when you feel, that you are the only one, who is calling, or planning for movie dates, or dinners, get the hint, that something is wrong, and what you feel is love, can only be your own feeling, not his.

    If he doesn’t love you, your painful letters or mails cannot convert him, he is least bothered, so please don’t waste your precious time, move ahead, but don’t get vulnerable. End of one bad relation doesn’t mean you have to get into another immediately, because someone is sympathizing with you.

    Do your work, take your time, life will give you the maturity to handle yourself, and rediscover the essence of love, relationship, friendship and commitment.

     

     

  • 01 Nov
    Oyindrila Basu

    Can Psychotherapy be Emotionally draining?

    psychotherapy

    When I was in my college, I had Psychology as my pass subject along with major in English literature. Studying the mind has been very intriguing to me always. Knowing what people think; what they go through; why they need to be essentially in turmoil and what is the proper cure were my interests. Hence I loved the subject especially the practical classes.

    Once in such a class, we were taken to a mental health clinic where counselling was professionally done, so that we could understand the procedure and get some hands-on experience with the thing.

    First we were made to view a counselling session, which a practitioner and medical therapist was performing with his patient.

    The patient was from Nasik; he had come to Kolkata for a few days, because he wanted to get a psychotherapy; he was away from hometown with some excuse on the name of work, I heard him saying,

    “I had to come here, because therapy was not possible there, everyone knows me there, and I am afraid, this news will spread like wild fire, that I am with a counsellor, and then there will be lots of questions from my relatives, neighbours, and may be my parents won’t accept the thing so simply.”

    He was in anxiety for six months, and he felt he was having physical issues because of his mental set back. He had already been diagnosed with high blood pressure problem, and he felt sometimes, he was hallucinating almost real situations during sleep.

    Now he was in depression too, because he had had a bad break-up with the person he was engaged to for marriage.

    What I had to focus on was the questions the therapist, Dr. Shukla asked the patient.

    “How old are you now? Since when are you having the thoughts? .... Tell me a few things that you have seen……. What was the atmosphere like? Dark? How much dark? Did you see any light? What was the colour of the light?.........”

    The questions had already started terrifying me. I wondered if I had to answer such things in detail, would I be able to recall!

    “How was your ex-fiance? How was your relationship with her? How long did it last? What was the reason for the break-up? Did she move out? What was her complaint? What did you feel like the first day she declined the relationship? What have you been doing since then? How do you actually feel?..........”, and such multitudes of questions followed. I found the patient answering some of them with a grin, but at times, he was quite uncomfortable; at moments I thought he would break into tears. I really felt for him, and I developed an assumption that the therapist was a heartless man; he was just making him feel more miserable by recalling the dark days; how can this man get better, if he keeps thinking of his break-up and his fearful thoughts? Will he ever come back again to this doctor if this is his first experience?

    Anyway, the session went on for an hour or so, and then the patient got up, took his coat and walked out shaking hands with Dr. Shukla.

    We were led to a conference room, where Dr. Shukla would come to guide us through the session that we witnessed; we could ask questions about any doubts we had.

    Many of my friends, asked about the technicalities of conducting a counselling session- what are the words to be used with a patient; how to make him/her comfortable; how to make him/her answer as we want to get information etc. etc. When it was my turn, I raised my hand in disdain and questioned, “Why does anyone come for counselling? To get relief or to be plagued more?” Dr. Shukla never asked the meaning of my question, but just laughed.

    “I know why you are asking this. You must have felt that the patient is being disturbed further when he was in a session with me. We are doctors, and we have to do what is best for our patients. If I do not ask him about his past, if I do not know what he actually thinks or visualizes, then how can I treat him? A doctor has to expose and see the cut of the patient, in order to apply ointment which will heal, isn’t it? If he doesn’t refer to his pain, what will I treat?

    Proper diagnosis is important before any treatment and that is what I do in the first session.

    Making a patient speak about his pain and trauma is also a part of the treatment; if he brings up his difficult emotions and cry over them, at least we know, he will be free and light at heart at the next moment; he will not go home with a burden. If I don’t make him speak, he will continue to bear the pain of repressed emotions in his brain, and that can be very dangerous for his mental health in future; he can be prone to serious disorders. I need to relieve him of the repression first; I know he has not been able to speak about these to anyone, so I need to be that friend whom he can entrust in; he will not admit his feelings on his own, I need to push him, and help him through with my questions….”

    The explanation was very precise and I received my answer.

    “Yes, counselling sessions can be emotionally draining, in fact, for some rigorous therapies, you may feel tired after sessions, but once you are free of your hidden pain, you can accommodate much better with your environment; you feel more healthy and comfortable; you have no guilt or fear of being judged anymore once you have spoken about it all.”

    It was amazing that such a simple thing, which I could not understand initially, was described so well with example. The doctor needs to know whether we have flu or fever through our symptoms, in order to prescribe the respective medicine, hence a psychologist and therapist needs to know our mental dysfunctioning through our pain and experiences in order to treat it and counsel it.

    Image source

  • 27 Sep
    Oyindrila Basu

    Karan Johar Gets Candid with Depression.

    karan johar

    Karan Johar is known to be the wittiest person in Bollywood having a great sense of humour; no wonder, he successfully carries out continuous seasons of the celebrity chat show #KoffeeWithKaran without losing an inch of popularity. But as we all have known, all that glitters, is not gold, hence the lives of celebrities are not so much shiny as they appear to be on the screen. They have their own problems and difficulties to deal with; any profession doesn’t assure health and happiness.

    However, the best part of celebrities, these days, is the fact, that they are not shrinking back from their responsibility towards society; and after #DeepikaPadukone and #IleanaDeCruz, now it is The Karan Johar, from our Indian film industry who comes out with his version on depression.

    It is difficult to believe and accept, that one of the biggest filmmakers of the country, who has given us plenty of larger than life panoramic views, who spreads love and joy through his vivid presentations can have a dark reality like depression.

    Yes, he admits that he has been in depression for two years and that have been the darkest period of his life.

    He is a film maker and we all know, how much he loves cinema; a popular film maker eats cinema, breathes cinema and lives cinema; yes, the last phrase is kind of tricky; every artist, especially in the film industry needs to deal with this; living in cinema and it seems that the #KuchKuchHotaHai director has realized the pain of dealing with life and relationships of Bollywood, today, at the age of 44.

    karan johar

    “The industry should not be generalised for the reason of your loneliness. But you really wonder how many of your relationships matter and how many don't. Sometimes, the lines are very blurred in our industry. We live in this bubble all the time because we talk film, we sleep film, you eat films. And then you build relationships and emotions, and you don't know if those emotions are only for films or you take them even when you are not working together. So you end up wondering about every equation you make in the industry,” Johar admits.

    karan johar

    Once a friend of mine, who was a fresher in the cinematography field told me in a discussion; “life and relationships of actors are false; their world is makey. An actor is asked to personally romance with every co-star of his/her half-an-hour before the shoot, the director advices them, so that their chemistry is well established, they know each other and get comfortable with each other; hence cinema is an imaginative world, where real people do not have any real emotions like love, joy or happiness; it is all a mechanical cycle”, today when I hear the statement of Karan Johar, I feel an echo of the same.

    We all know that Karan Johar has not yet married, and for some reason, his sexuality has always been questioned; a few months back, one of his interviews stated clearly, that he has always been an introvert and making new friends or girl-friends had never been his cup of tea, since childhood. But society doesn’t spare anyone, people will assume things and gossip about everyone without knowing them personally and sometimes it is difficult to deal with.

    When a person is actually disturbed with the fact of loneliness, the society plagues him with questions, and he gets into anxiety.

    “At 44, when you don’t have a life partner or kids, it is difficult to deal with!”, he admits, it is difficult without a partner, a companion or somebody to grow with. He confesses his concerns and worries about his future, which is wealth and fame have not been able to compensate.

    Also he has not been able to deal with his father’s death, a relationship which was so valuable to him as a person and a cinema lover.

    All these factors piled up together till he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety attacks.

    What is inspiring in this case is that, his mental set-backs have not come in the way of his work. His resigned mood has not affected cinema; he continues to work with the same passion and dedication spreading love and joy, visible from his current, soon to be released magnum opus, #AeDilHaiMushkil, which means he has coped with his problems already; it is not that, he hasn’t been threatened by these issues, but he overcame his fears with a firm will power.

    He opens up with his mental health issues to spread an awareness to the world, that having depression or anxiety, doesn’t mean a person is handicapped and cannot do his daily jobs, and we drop out hats with respect to his optimism and responsible behaviour. There is nothing to get embarrassed about it, and he proves it.

    Depression and anxiety can be like a heart attack, it can give you physical as well as mental ailments, but the right attitude is to fight with it, come up with it for treatment.

  • 23 Sep
    Oyindrila Basu

    I Bleed PINK

    pink movie

    "Where the walls are not the boundaries, but the protective power;

    Where the ribbon is the strangling weapon of Beauty;

    Where the color of her lips doesn't lure, but scare the Beast away;

    Where the nails with all its polka dots, notches and scars the bad flesh and dumps it off in the garbage of sins;

    Where the drink isn't sparkling sensual hues, but is washing the Social mind;

    Where the color keeps my fear away; I'd love to bleed PINK."

    pink movie

    'Pink' is a girly color, and there is no logical reasoning behind it, except for yet another schoolistic authoritative information by our society; in fact, boys wearing 'Pink' is a stigma, it tarnishes their masculinity.

    The color which beautifies the roses and marks the flesh as fresh; the color which sweetens the candy floss and bubbles the blood of the sacrificial goat, becomes just another metaphor for effeminate qualities, thanks to our well-versed and extremely intellectual society.

    The ambiguity of ideas related to Pink have been well narrated in a scenic version by Shoojit Sircar and Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury.

    The story is quite simple and predictable; revolves around three working women of current time, sharing a flat on rent, free of personal and social biases, in short, having all the characteristics of the so called 'outgoing and adamant' women rather than independent and individualistic women of society. As a matter of fact, they get into trouble with some rich, influential chauvinistic guys, and hence follows a molestation episode with an elaborate trial session (which is the real part of the plot) of course, of the girls, not the guys.

    The girls file a complaint, and in return, they are made to stand on the deck with contradicting charges against them. The idea seems familiar? Yes indeed it is; we have faced such stark, realistic court room sessions with women, in graver situations like Rituparno Ghosh's Dahan(1997), B.R. Chopra's Insaaf Ka Tarazu (1980), Tapan Sinha's Adalat O Ekti Meye(1982), and not to forget the real story of Suzette Jordan, the victim of Park Street incident in 2012. The above mentioned fictions as well as the true incident, draws a verisimilitude of ideas, where the victim herself was asked for the testimony of her character, in the medical examination room, in the police station and finally in the court. Rather, the film showed what its trailer showed, unlike films like Drishyam, which had already revealed the story through its trailer, but had kept something 'yet to know', through its plot structure. Besides, the questions asked and raised today are synonymous to what were asked 30 years back, so what has changed? But in spite of this being true, Pink (2016) stands out among them, in various aspects-

    pink movie

     

    1. The story is framed in a contemporary society, the characters are relevant, they are real, and have the ability to fight their fears.
    It is true, 'darr sab ko lagta hai, gala sabka sukhta hai, par darr ke aage jeet hai', laughing Not only the brave girls stand up against their fears, but also an old man, who had lost all hopes for himself and his profession (because of his inappropriate psychological disposition), gets an opportunity to prove his expertise, and he does so proficiently, fighting his fear in the process.


    Here comes the excellence of Sree Amitabh Bachchan who subtly manages to give his expressions as a willing, but weak person (weak of age, and of health too). When the court room session begins in the second half, we expect that "Bachchan Saab to prosecution ki dho dega", but unfortunately, the old Mr. Sehgal has the finesse of a lawyer, but lacks the confidence to present his case, due to the long time gap, and disconnection from practice, he gradually develops and musters himself through the proceedings which is a commendable thing to note.

    2. The film bridges the gap of mentalities between the past and the present; it falsifies the notion that people from the past generation have orthodox ideas about social norms which is basically a promotion of patriarchy; in this film, a 74-year old lawyer Deepak Sehgal believes and stands by the three young girls, for truth, justice and righteousness, while the majority of so called the present learned, enlightened contemporary society, is still in the darkness of rotten assumptions, regarding what a girl should do and what she should not.

    3. Director constantly intrigues our senses with contradictions and open-endedness.
    The film has been named PINK, which is a creative contradiction to the operative thought process of society, that the color symbolizes weakness, coyness, submission, grace, elegance and anything delicate. From the ironic title, we know that what it is going to show will be completely opposite, and it IS the story of bravery, courage, uprightness and all qualities that mean strong.
    Minal's molestation is kept a '?', and I think this has been done on purpose to keep us on our toes, the open ended nature of this incident has been harped on with the cinematography, as well as through dialogue delivery of barrister Sehgal, who mistakenly calls it 'raped' first and then corrects it to 'molested', so that we as audience, are unsure of what the fact actually is, whether she is raped or molested? Also the open-ended beginning of the movie, where the actual event of the rock concert night is never clearly shown, until the end, tickles the audiences' thought process.

    4. Unlike the other films, mentioned above, this one shows a positive beginning for the society; justice is finally served; please note, the Pink saree of Dahan, became a weak point for the court proceedings, the Pink rays of sunset in Gopalpur, marked the shameful and humiliating ordeal of an enlightening, but defeated woman in Adalat O ekti Meye, but the Pink bra of Minal made all of us proud as women, it fought back with courage and enthusiasm; it preserved lives, and that is how the film is different, in spite of being same.

    Pink is different because is shows fightback. Minal doesn't succumb to her fate but hits the bottle on the brat, which is a great thing; The instinctive fear to move, the fear to stand up, the fear to push and the fear to hit hard that a woman absorbs within her, when she is being badly touched by a male, has been obliterated in this film.

    A girl for the first time, doesn't submit to the patriarchal beliefs, but hits them hard till they bleed badly; the courage to break the bottle is important; when you are being attacked, the natural defense mechanism is important; the consequences will follow; now imagine, if Minal had given up strength in the resort room, and had got raped, would that save her any social humiliation, than she was having now, after being charged of attempt to murder? No. The things would be all the same; the society would taunt her and question her character even then, history proves it; so why not fight and face it! Give the thrashing and then pay for it, rather than get trampled and yet pay the price. Death should be of glory and not of shame; “It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.” - Mark Twain

    Women, you should keep the fire ignited within, so that you can fight with honor before you die; fear will try to scare you, but never retreat, never retreat the battle of life, use the color Pink as your strength, as your weapon to behead all the ugly minds brutally.

  • 10 Aug
    Pooja Sarkar

    Mom, I am worthless, good for nothing.

     mother and daughter

    Every day my family and I used to have our dinner together. One day my 19yrs old daughter came late to the dinner table and there was discussion regarding politics and sports. My daughter was quite reluctant to participate on that day. Still, after pushing her many times, he shouted at me and said to me that – “I am worthless, I am good for nothing. Please leave me alone.” I became speechless to hear it.

    She is our single child, we stay in an extended family. My daughter was pre-mature baby, that’s why she had some severe respiratory problem after birth. She has been introvert since her childhood, but she was throughout good in study. She used to have a few friends throughout her entire life. On her very first day in school, she cried the most among all kids. She was facing many difficulties in sharing her own belongings. She didn’t even have any close friend in her school.

    Our family was quite rigid and conservative. When she went to college, in a broader society, she started to face some troubles to mix up with others as in home she used to be the center of attention all the time, she got attention without asking anything also. But in the broad area there are acceptance and rejection as well. She always wanted to be isolated from everyone. She never felt comfortable in crowds. My husband also is reserved to some extent. Some odd event has happened that day in her school, my daughter couldn’t handle it. She always had a craving for doing the best in class. On her 6th grade, she couldn’t do well as she was not well physically, she burst out in anger that time. She couldn’t even take any criticism about her. She wants to live with herself. No one can be accepted by everyone. For her withdrawn nature, she became aloof from everyone, then she has concluded that she is worthless, she can’t do anything.

    What all mothers should do when their child is facing with the similar kind of problem:

    • Let your children feel their hurt: When one goes to this stage many Neuro chemical changes happen in the body and due to that many negative thoughts come to the mind. Finding and healing hurt is one of ways you can do.
    • Teach them it can be ok as a human: When we are upset, we lose our ability to be human. Every human feels the pain, its not exception with her. She has to be understood. Make your child understand that learning is done by mistakes. Life isn’t a popularity contest, don’t judge yourself by other’s views.
    • Does self-evaluation: Self-evaluation will be helpful for me to understand yourself in a better way, when one can evaluate her/his own self,he/she will be very helpful with their own.
    • Live in present: Everyone should live in the present instead of living in the past or in future. Tell yourself that, you can do better than today.
    • List down your strength points: Always list down your strength parts every day, so that no one can make you down mistakenly.
    • Go through Autobiographies of enthusiastic figure: Any enthusiastic story makes you understand how one goes to the highest form, at the beginning, every successful person faces struggle and after that they can reach to that level. Each small dots can make a big line.
    • Go and communicate with others: Communication helps you to get connected with different people and you can understand one’s perspective about you and so on.

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