• 30 Jan
    Yakata Sharma

    Addiction--- A Path towards self-destruction

    alcohol addiction



    Rohan just like another small- town adolescent had just one big dream: to become a rich man. He left no stone unturned to pass his boards with flying colors and got enrolled in an esteemed college of the city. Within a short span of time, the new freedom, negligible family interaction, so-called ‘cool’ peers and easy access to alcohol and drugs made him more fascinated towards this new life.


    Undoubtedly, Rohan was brainy and so became the talk of the college campus. The faculty felt elated to have him in their classroom(s). However, this popularity did not affect him to deviate from his well-set goal. Computers, gadgets, science and technology kept him busy 24*7. The new city finally welcomed him with warmth and open arms.


    A few distractions here and there were all what made Rohan’s college life quite eventful. Within 3 years of college he worked hard on his academics as well as his communication skills to leave an impression on the Interview panel so that he could be placed with one of the leading firms/organizations.


    By the end of the academic calendar, a plethora of companies visited the college campus to select the prospective candidates for their respective firms. With great expectations and hope Rohan too faced interview sessions for a few companies. The final call for the selected candidates was yet to be declared.


    Like Everyone, Rohan too expected that he would be amongst the luckiest guys of his batch to be employed in first attempt. Till the time results were declared, Rohan got busy with night life of the city. Just like other aspects of life he excelled in this area too. Soon this new fascination became an integral part of his life. He was no more an occasional drinker now.


    And then came the D day: Campus Placement results were declared.  Rohan, very excitedly went to see the notice board. He couldn’t believe his eyes and with sheer disappointment, he came back to his room and could not understand what just happened!

    Rohan Kapoor—the most sincere, dedicated and deserving candidate of college, FAILED the Interview.


    Rohan was taken aback with such a drastic twist in his path of glory. He couldn’t handle the FAILURE and had a nervous breakdown.  His friends too couldn’t help him cope-up with this situation.  He preferred being secluded from his friends. To avoid any confrontation, he stopped talking to his Parents too. To overcome he switched to unhealthy coping strategies namely, alcohol. Once an occasional drinker was now turned into a binge drinker.


    His drinking behavior no longer remained a secret. The worried faculty informed his Parents about his newly developed habits and suggested psychological counseling. The Parents preferred to take Rohan back home so that they could be around him 24*7 to provide a healthy and supporting environment. He resisted their decision and hence was forcefully asked by the college administration to seek clinical help before appearing for another placement interview.


    The wait for next interview seemed interminable. Without daily intake of alcohol he started having behavioral issues. He showed tantrums, became overly-aggressive and even sometimes turned violent with the family members.   


      Keeping in mind his rapidly deteriorating condition, his Parents did seek clinical assistance. It was not that Rohan himself didn’t want to improve his condition but he just couldn’t do so. With consistent efforts of the Family he somehow, agreed to seek professional assistance.


    Initially, he visited his counselor regularly but soon his visits to the counselor decreased and eventually, ceased. He didn’t tell his parents about the termination of clinical procedures. He made sure that he didn’t get caught and so continued to leave home as per the schedule. And to Parent’s relief, he no more was having any behavioral issues.….


    A few weeks passed peacefully and one night Rohan didn’t return from his counseling session. His mobile was unreachable. His counselor when approached informed that Rohan stopped coming for counseling therapy long time back. Everyone at home was shocked and terrified with a thought that if he stopped going for his counseling sessions then where was he going? Whom was he meeting? What was he doing all this while!


    Next day they got a phone call from a Police station. Rohan was found! The family rushed to the station and found Rohan inside the bars. The inspector informed that he was found creating nuisance in a nearby locality and almost tried to kill a person who refused to provide him a bottle of alcohol. With a common consent it was decided that Rohan had to be institutionalized till he recovers.  Rohan had lost all his decision-making and judgment skills. He was as good as a 5 year old cranky child.


    It took a year for Rohan to completely get de-addicted of alcohol. Soon he reverted to his professional life. He got placed with a leading IT company and is working really hard to achieve his sole goal in life. Now he doesn’t let any FAILURE affect him and handles it with Healthy coping skills.

    Excerpts from Rohan…….

    “I really didn’t know was that the alcohol addiction I was fighting for or my failures in life?” “Whatever it was I realize now Alcohol is not the solution to problems.” “But alcohol addiction is surely a path leading towards self-destruction.”

    Image source

    Yakata Sharma

    Clinical Psychologist|Masters with 4 years of experience

    M Sc Psychology, PhD Clinical Psychology

    Responses 1

    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Aug 24, 2017 08:15 AM

      This is a story which should be shared with every other individual who has been indulging into things like drugs and alcohol and smoking. Such things are believed to be causing impairment in the functioning. Problems like impaired sense of judgement and no sense of reality emerges. How can such a thing be considered as something to relieve stress as one does not know what is happening around them? And they are harming their health in the long run as well. These so-called stress Buster's can turn out to be so harmful for one's health.

      Instead one should speak out about their problems, indulge in exercise or listen to good music to lighten themselves up. And also understand that there will be many instances in life which cause us to feel disappointed. It is important to take out the mistakes and move on to find better opportunities.

  • 02 Jan
    eWellness Expert

    How the Best Drug Rehabilitation Offers ‘Opportunity and a Sense of Light’: Recovering Addicts Share Their Stories


    Anxiety is a condition that many people are working to overcome — including many who are also struggling to conquer an addiction to drugs or alcohol.


    Unfortunately, people battling both anxiety and addiction often find that the conditions seem to work together to make life even more challenging. But we learned through our conversations with people in recovery that seeking treatment for their substance abuse issues can not only help them achieve lasting sobriety, it can also provide them the skills they need to cope with their anxiety.


    Here are a few personal stories from brave addiction survivors currently in recovery that we hope will not only help those struggling with addiction, but also help people searching for ways to cope with their anxiety.


    Cody turns to music to keep him sober and steady


    Cody admitted that his decision to seek treatment was riddled with fear — and on his first day at a rehabilitation center, he wasn’t sure he’d made the right choice.


    “When I first got [there], I was really scared. I was shaking — I was scared to death,” he said.


    To calm his anxiety, he turned to the one sober source of comfort he’d always been able to rely on: music.


    “I grabbed my guitar and there was literally a concert going on: everybody’s eyes were all on me, and it really changed my whole perspective,” he explained. “It’s probably the first time I ever actually played sober, and it felt really good. It gave me hope.”


    And it wasn’t just comforting. He said his sobriety and time in addiction treatment at Michigan’s Best Drug Rehabilitation truly inspired him:


    “I wrote more songs in the time that I’ve been [in treatment] than I have in my entire life.”


    Early on in his rehabilitation, he learned that there were ways to cope with his fears without having to turn to drugs or alcohol — a valuable lesson that he still relies on to get him through tough times.


    “I came to this realization that inner peace starts with the things around me, and I’ve always thought that it starts within myself,” he revealed. “Now it starts with the things around me.”


    Kenny learned how to get off of a debilitating ‘emotional roller coaster’


    For those fighting chronic anxiety, an addiction, or both, life certainly has its ups and downs — and Kenny said that’s especially true when you’re trying to find the path to a better way of living.


    “I often feel that when detoxing off any substance, you’re going through an emotional roller coaster,” he surmised.


    But he said his treatment helped him build a toolkit for dealing with his urges to use and his anxiety.


    He explained, “The main thing to do is to find certain things that take your mind off of the outside world, and off the facility and off of stress and tension — for me, that’s working out.”


    “I am working on finding my own personal happiness and lighting that flame inside of me,” he continued, “and I feel like once I find that happiness and it’s secure, then sobriety will be the least of what I’m worried about.”


    Megan finally got the help she needed after a decade of struggling


    Before seeking treatment for her cocaine and gambling addiction, Megan said achieving lasting mental wellness was a constant battle.


    “I have been inpatient for mental health issues, long-term, about four times,” she explained. “I was on psych meds for 12 years. At one point, I was on 16 different psych meds.”


    She was terrified to learn that as part of her treatment she would be taken off of her prescribed medication. She had no idea how she would be able to cope with the stress of life, not to mention her new life free of drugs and alcohol.


    But as it turned out, she found a surprising source of support — her recovery coaches.


    “A lot of them have experience in most of the issues that I deal with, and that’s a huge thing for me too, because I have been to places where people have only been trained and read books on addiction and mental health issues,” she said. “But you can’t really get it unless you experience it.”


    Her peers demonstrated a similar compassion and understanding that she said was crucial to her recovery:


    “Everyone’s very accepting. There’s next to no judgment around what has happened in your life or what you have done in your life, and everyone understands that this is a new start — and we are here to rebuild our lives from this point on.”


    Now days away from her graduation, she has more hope than ever for the future.


    “I haven’t been working because of my mental health issues,” she said. “I’m at a point now where I feel like after I leave here, I will be ready to go back to work.”


    Of course, not everyone with an anxiety disorder,  also suffers from addiction. But we think that much of what the recovery graduates told us offers wonderful insight for those whose anxiety feels like too much to bear. The little things in life we find joy in truly can be a wonderful source of comfort, be it an interest in music, people who understand our personal struggles, or even an active pursuit of happiness through a changed mindset.


    We all deserve to be happy, and if we’re having trouble finding it on our own, there is no shame in reaching out for help.


    As Kenny said, “If you have a second opportunity, you should take it and uplift it to the fullest because you don’t know when the opportunity might run short. [Going to treatment gave] me an opportunity and a sense of light.”


  • 10 Nov
    Oyindrila Basu

    He defined love, but distorted it himself….

    cheating in love


    Samar: Look I just don’t want to keep any contact with you. It would be better if you don’t call me again.

    Me: But….. but why are you doing this? We have spent so much good time together.

    Samar: No, I do not have time for all this. The relation will not have any future, so I feel I am just using you.

    Me: why do you think, the relation won’t have a future, ofcourse, when you get a job at Bangalore, we can still be in touch over the phone and net.

    Samar: No I just don’t want to continue, I don’t want keep a contact, I have my girlfriend….. you know that don’t you? so please don’t bother me.

    Me: Samar I can’t force you, but the relation has been very precious to me. I have been serious, please don’t break it up like this, atleast we can be friends… you take your time… think over it…. After few years if you feel, your mind has changed, then we can settle on something…

    Samar: I don’t want, I just said…………. If I ever feel like, I will call you……now please leave….

    Me: Yes, if you feel like, please call me….


    I waited, several days, several months, but never the call from Samar came to my cell. Whenever there was an unknown number, I would presume that it could be him, calling from elsewhere, because he was missing me, and wanted to communicate, but perhaps not owning up.

    This last telephonic conversation with him is still fresh in my mind, I may be sounding like a nagging child, a person who is so cheap as to go on and on with the pleas for getting love back, when the other person doesn’t just want to continue, but remember Geet’s dialogue, “Jab Koi Pyaa mein hota hai, to kuch sahi galat nahi hota”, I guess it is true.

    And I was just in my tweens, and he was my first love, yes even today, I won’t shy away from admitting it, he was my first love, but he never loved me back.

    Months passed away, me brooding over this disastrous break up.

    I cried and cried every morning as soon as I woke up. The regular pain was unbearable, but I kept attending classes in my college, I could not openly tell my parents anything, but they knew something was wrong with me, and that was even more embarrassing for me.

    Only a few of my friends knew my story, some were with me some went against my ideology. But I persisted with my ‘depression’ for 3 long years, yes today I know it was severe depression, which distorted my health, well I do not complain about it, for that helped me achieve a lovely size-zero figure. J

    I kept mailing him, sometimes with sad love songs, sometimes quotes (well I really did not know, what better these things could do for me), but as a young tween in my 1st year, I felt this could convey my heart’s agony to him. There was not a single response.

    The mails from my side continued, sometimes like “you nasty bastard, you asshole……….. you cheapo………..you will die in the drain”, because I would be just so angry at myself for loving a person, who was just passing his free time with me. I blamed myself, “why? Why didn’t I realize it that day, the very first day….!”


    The social hangout hub of City Centre was blazing with lights. The Sunday evening is never very peaceful there. Mobbed with faces, the shopping mall just shows how enthusiastic the city can be.

    I was with two of my friends, my best friend Asmita, who was already head over heels for Samar, and Ritica, who has always been a positive supporter. I have dressed myself up properly with the best I could. For the first time in 20 years I was going to meet a boy alone, though the purpose was to convince him accept the love of my friend Asmita, who had admitted to me already that she could not live without me.

    You must be wondering, why would a stranger listen to me! Well the story goes 6 months back, when I had visited the college fest of Asmita as a guest.

    She was in an engineering college, and I was a student of English, that too in a girls’ college. Girls’ school, girls’ college, no boys, no fun………and ofcourse no idea :/ hence the disaster.

    Anyway, the day I visited their college, I came to know who were the most notorious people in their campus, one of whom was Samar. The group popular for drugs, drinks, smoke, politics, and no attending classes.

    After a week or two, Asmita informed, that Samar had noticed me and had enquired about me to her. Someone has noticed me, appreciated me, oh my God! That was so exciting. Anyway, Asmita was in love with him, so I was not thinking anything for myself.

    I started chatting with him over Orkut, I can say, the first move was from his side, he had tracked me down and sent me a friend request (today the site is an obsolete one, but in those days, it was the hot cake, the first social networking site).

    And our chats continued, with Asmita in focus, from my side, though he always wanted to avoid her in the topic of discussion, but whatsoever the chats went long and long, and the café manager’s bill too J

    I was liking it. The new experience was good, though I scolded myself because I should not be feeling this way.

    Finally, we decided to meet at City Centre. I was ready with my backups, Asmita and Ritica. As 5.00 PM was approaching, I was having roller coasters in my stomach. Asmita was equally excited, for she would get a glimpse of him.

    He came, we met him, my friends left me and went home. I was confused what I was going to say, I was nervous, but I didn’t let that show on my face.

    He spoke about himself, I spoke about Asmita. But Samar clearly said: “Asmita is a junior to me, I know what you are trying to say, but I can never accept her love, why don’t we speak about us, I like you.”

    I was upset because I attempted something and I failed, but I was also anxious, whether it was a new beginning for me. I know you will feel what kind of a girl am I! If Samar did not accept Asmita, I should have left without a word.

    But truth is stranger than fiction. When the logic is clear that he did not like Asmita but me, then how could my quitting help her!

    Samar and I had a long conversation. He admitted that he was one of the bad guys. He was popular among girls, but he had never been serious with anyone. Heart breaks were his type, and he cared less to imbibe any bad habit.

    He had a girlfriend in college, with whom his friends put him into a relationship.

    But after all these discussions, I felt even more attracted towards his personality. Why is it so? Why is it that girls always fall for the bad guy?

    It’s a psychology, opposites attract! It’s in your mind, that when a person is preaching his bad sides to you, he must be a good person in nature, or else he would be pretending to be good, and I thought the same, and it is evident how wise I was.

    He was playing with my mind. “So is this the end, are we not meeting again?”, I said with hesitation “may be not”.

    A new phase of life started, our midnight phone calls began, our long discussions on his hobbies, my hobbies, what he liked about me etc. etc.

    One day he revealed that his playboy nature was because of a severe wound he received from a girl in his high school, whom he had loved.

    But she had rejected his proposal. His girlfriend in college was a namesake, and it was not yet time for his family to know about her, or may be the time would never be. 

    The game could not have been better. I sympathized with him, and as a ‘wise’ and ‘intelligent’ girl, I believed that I could change him, give him a better life.

    On the other side Asmita had begun hating me for this. I loved my friend too, but I could never explain her the situation. I myself was unsure of what I was doing.

    We started dating each other, occasionally, I loved our walks in the evenings, the hesitant touches, and the long long conversations. I was already into the relationship.

    But one day, he started avoiding me. He would not call, and when I called, he spoke to me as if it did not matter anymore, he didn’t care I was happy or hurt. He had played his game, and now it was my necessity to continue the relationship.

    I would call him at alternate nights to speak, but he was most reluctant to. He usually kept quiet with occasionally monosyllabic replies.

    Meetings had reduced in frequency. I did not know what was happening. I have always been a strong person, but this was difficult for me to handle. The regular anxiety was attacking, painful, disrespectful, but I didn’t even wish to end it.

    Finally, this telephonic conversation after a year of relationship, though I know now, that probably it was one-sided.

    He was just making a joke, for I later came to know from one of his friends that he was just trying to win a bet with his friends, by winning me over. Every day, he went on a date with me, he discussed them with his friends in minute detail, about what we have talked, what we have done, it has been just fun for him. He wanted to win the challenge.

    After this information, I just wanted to kill myself. After a breakup, there will always be a reconsideration on your self-respect, on top of that when we come to know, that you have just been a chess piece for someone’s game, you suddenly start hating yourself for your foolery, your idiocy, and to compensate and regain your self-respect, you wish to achieve what is impossible.

    And hence started my chase for Samar. When he was posted to Bangalore on job, I found out his new number from one of his senior colleagues, whom I have not heard of ever, after trying to connect with him for months (you can imagine the effort it required for this search).

    I called him up, “Hello, how are you, are you good?” only to hear, “how did you get my number, how dare you call me up hear? Don’t you dare do this kind of nuisance again”.

    It took me almost 3 years to recover from the mental shock, but as I said, I have always been a strong person, and have lived my life on my own terms, so the responsibility of my mistake was mine.

    I never blamed anyone else, I never revealed the event to anyone in my family to avoid further humiliation. My mother has seen me suffering, I was irritable, anguished, I often spoke rudely with her, but she bore with me, in silence and resilience.

    Depression has its side effects and I have been through all of them. Days were long, when I wished for never ending nights. I refused to eat, refused to accept any normal activity. But my family has always been a support even in my stubbornness.

    Today I realise, how foolish and stupid I have been. I laugh at my own actions today. Imagine sending love songs! Ridiculous!

    I started believing that love was bull-shit, all that our Hindi movies displayed was fantasy, mere eulogization, I had lost all faith on people.

    There was nothing called real, no-one was real, no emotion was real, I believed. This is a phase which will last with you for quite some time, if you face with a breakup for which you have not been responsible.

    I felt humiliated, insulted, rejected as a human being. Dejection was my friend, nothing positive was there, but I tried convincing myself, that “I will succeed in life, one incident cannot destroy my spirit completely, if this happens, he will win, the crook will win…I have to recover, I have to be the game changer”. May be this strong perseverance is the only thing, that helped me move on.

    I cannot finish my story without mentioning about my husband, who was somewhat related to this incident (I won’t name or mention how), but he had also helped me come out of my Utopic world (where I believed love can change everything), he made me face the reality.

    Today we are a happy couple, and before marriage, I have been in a long term relation with him, this period helped me identify love in a new way.

    Love is not just about feeling, or about attraction, but it is a commitment, about responsibility towards each other, and I have realized these qualities in my husband in these 5 years.

    Today when I recall Samar, I laugh at how I have behaved at that time, I do not hold any grudge against him today, because he is no longer important. But I can never forget or forgive him for the three long years of my life that have been wasted in suffering.

    With my experience I can say, get the first warning of a one-sided relationship, when your partner is just not interested to initiate any action.

    Rather when you feel, that you are the only one, who is calling, or planning for movie dates, or dinners, get the hint, that something is wrong, and what you feel is love, can only be your own feeling, not his.

    If he doesn’t love you, your painful letters or mails cannot convert him, he is least bothered, so please don’t waste your precious time, move ahead, but don’t get vulnerable. End of one bad relation doesn’t mean you have to get into another immediately, because someone is sympathizing with you.

    Do your work, take your time, life will give you the maturity to handle yourself, and rediscover the essence of love, relationship, friendship and commitment.



    Responses 1

    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Aug 08, 2017 09:46 AM
      Such incidents have led towards many believing the fact that love hurts. But actually it is not just about the lack of feelings, it is also about commitment to maintain the relations. This story is effective towards making girls realise that bad guys are bad, no matter how much they admit the truth. If they have been doing this for more than once, they can do it the next time as well. It is no use crying and cribbing over someone who you love, but does not reciprocate the love back and irrespective of your efforts to pull them back in your life. It is not just about searching the right person but also about being the right person yourself. Becoming the right person will ensure that you will meet the right set of people. One should learn to care about those who are always with us throughout, especially our parents and siblings. It is these particular set of people who are responsible towards making others realise that there is nothing called love. Love is a very strong and purest form of emotion, it is not something to be played with.
  • 01 Nov
    Oyindrila Basu

    Can Psychotherapy be Emotionally draining?


    When I was in my college, I had Psychology as my pass subject along with major in English literature. Studying the mind has been very intriguing to me always. Knowing what people think; what they go through; why they need to be essentially in turmoil and what is the proper cure were my interests. Hence I loved the subject especially the practical classes.

    Once in such a class, we were taken to a mental health clinic where counselling was professionally done, so that we could understand the procedure and get some hands-on experience with the thing.

    First we were made to view a counselling session, which a practitioner and medical therapist was performing with his patient.

    The patient was from Nasik; he had come to Kolkata for a few days, because he wanted to get a psychotherapy; he was away from hometown with some excuse on the name of work, I heard him saying,

    “I had to come here, because therapy was not possible there, everyone knows me there, and I am afraid, this news will spread like wild fire, that I am with a counsellor, and then there will be lots of questions from my relatives, neighbours, and may be my parents won’t accept the thing so simply.”

    He was in anxiety for six months, and he felt he was having physical issues because of his mental set back. He had already been diagnosed with high blood pressure problem, and he felt sometimes, he was hallucinating almost real situations during sleep.

    Now he was in depression too, because he had had a bad break-up with the person he was engaged to for marriage.

    What I had to focus on was the questions the therapist, Dr. Shukla asked the patient.

    “How old are you now? Since when are you having the thoughts? .... Tell me a few things that you have seen……. What was the atmosphere like? Dark? How much dark? Did you see any light? What was the colour of the light?.........”

    The questions had already started terrifying me. I wondered if I had to answer such things in detail, would I be able to recall!

    “How was your ex-fiance? How was your relationship with her? How long did it last? What was the reason for the break-up? Did she move out? What was her complaint? What did you feel like the first day she declined the relationship? What have you been doing since then? How do you actually feel?..........”, and such multitudes of questions followed. I found the patient answering some of them with a grin, but at times, he was quite uncomfortable; at moments I thought he would break into tears. I really felt for him, and I developed an assumption that the therapist was a heartless man; he was just making him feel more miserable by recalling the dark days; how can this man get better, if he keeps thinking of his break-up and his fearful thoughts? Will he ever come back again to this doctor if this is his first experience?

    Anyway, the session went on for an hour or so, and then the patient got up, took his coat and walked out shaking hands with Dr. Shukla.

    We were led to a conference room, where Dr. Shukla would come to guide us through the session that we witnessed; we could ask questions about any doubts we had.

    Many of my friends, asked about the technicalities of conducting a counselling session- what are the words to be used with a patient; how to make him/her comfortable; how to make him/her answer as we want to get information etc. etc. When it was my turn, I raised my hand in disdain and questioned, “Why does anyone come for counselling? To get relief or to be plagued more?” Dr. Shukla never asked the meaning of my question, but just laughed.

    “I know why you are asking this. You must have felt that the patient is being disturbed further when he was in a session with me. We are doctors, and we have to do what is best for our patients. If I do not ask him about his past, if I do not know what he actually thinks or visualizes, then how can I treat him? A doctor has to expose and see the cut of the patient, in order to apply ointment which will heal, isn’t it? If he doesn’t refer to his pain, what will I treat?

    Proper diagnosis is important before any treatment and that is what I do in the first session.

    Making a patient speak about his pain and trauma is also a part of the treatment; if he brings up his difficult emotions and cry over them, at least we know, he will be free and light at heart at the next moment; he will not go home with a burden. If I don’t make him speak, he will continue to bear the pain of repressed emotions in his brain, and that can be very dangerous for his mental health in future; he can be prone to serious disorders. I need to relieve him of the repression first; I know he has not been able to speak about these to anyone, so I need to be that friend whom he can entrust in; he will not admit his feelings on his own, I need to push him, and help him through with my questions….”

    The explanation was very precise and I received my answer.

    “Yes, counselling sessions can be emotionally draining, in fact, for some rigorous therapies, you may feel tired after sessions, but once you are free of your hidden pain, you can accommodate much better with your environment; you feel more healthy and comfortable; you have no guilt or fear of being judged anymore once you have spoken about it all.”

    It was amazing that such a simple thing, which I could not understand initially, was described so well with example. The doctor needs to know whether we have flu or fever through our symptoms, in order to prescribe the respective medicine, hence a psychologist and therapist needs to know our mental dysfunctioning through our pain and experiences in order to treat it and counsel it.

    Image source

    Responses 1

    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Aug 03, 2017 07:15 PM

      For a psychology lover, nothing can be more interesting than witnessing a therapy session and on this virtual ground, I thoroughly enjoyed reading about it. The best part was the question of counselling being a burden for the client and the superb answer to that question. It also brought forth as to how counselling is such a big taboo in our country. Resolving emotional conflicts is so important for functioning. That mindest needs to be changed.


  • 28 Jun
    Shruti Gupta Dehradun

    An open letter to parents about exam stress

    letter to parent

    Dear Mom and Dad,

    Exams are coming and I am scared. I am scared that I might fail to live up to your expectations once again. I am scared that you will feel disappointed in me. I am scared to talk to you because all we talk of is about competitions and marks and nothing else. I am scared of being compared to Sameeksha every time.

    It makes me feel worthless. I am so scared that I want to get invisible and not face you anymore. I try and try yet I fail in your eyes. I did not perform the way you wanted me to in this term but I did improve. I wanted you to acknowledge my efforts but they were probably not worth your appreciation.

    I try harder in every attempt I make but I somehow fail to meet your expectations. Am I asking for too much when I expect you to understand that I and Sameeksha are two different individuals and have different capacities? I am not capable of sitting for hours and hours to study. I find it difficult to recall if I strain myself too much.

    I understand that you love me and want to ensure that I have a secure future but I feel trapped in your expectations.  I feel suffocated when I am not allowed to watch my favorite Television show or I am not allowed to go out with my friends. I do not understand how will locking me in my room help me get better grades.

    When you talk about my academic performance in front of my cousins with that look in your eyes, it embarrasses me. I cry at night thinking about how can I make you say "well done beta, I am proud of you". I struggle hard to keep up with my classmates in the school and then in my evening classes and I try to find solace when i come home.

    All I expect are few words of encouragement but I am left disappointed because all you ask me how my studies are going. You never care to listen what I have to say. I know you are very busy but are you that busy that you don't even have few minutes to know how my day was?

    Do you remember, the time I asked you to let me join the dance classes but you asked me not to waste time on useless things. It left me disheartened. I love to dance and I so wanted to join the classes but I did not just because you didn't want me to. Yet, you are not happy. I fail to understand what exactly am I supposed to do to make you happy.

    I still try to understand and promise myself to give my all to prove myself in front of you. But it is never enough. I know you have a lot of expectations from me and I can't thank you enough for everytthing you have done for me. I am really proud to be your daughter and please trust me, I am trying and will keep on trying my best to be what you want me to be and I promise you that a day will come when I will make both of you proud of me.

    All that I want is you to have faith in me and support me even when I am not doing that well. Your encouragement is the biggest motivation I can get. Please, accept me the way I am and please stop comparing me with anyone. Please, stop scaring me about the future and let me live in the present the way I want to live. I very well understand that I need to take the responsibility as I am no more a four year old.

    I want you to realize that I am not a kid anymore. I am sixteen and I need not be told always what I need to do.Sometimes, just let me be. You might feel that I am careless with my studies but it is not so. I want to do good not just because you want me to but I want to be good for myself too. I want that day to come in my life when I see you shouting to everyone with pride that " look that's my daughter". 

    I know it is my tenth boards this year and I should be studying instead of writing this letter to you but it took a lot of courage for me to tell you how I feel so that next time you come in my room, you come to pat my shoulder saying that you know I can and I will do well and not just to check on me or to tell me how difficult my exams are going to be. Your faith in me is the biggest inspiration I can get. 

    With love,

    Your loving daughter.

    Responses 1

    • Sanjna Verma
      Sanjna Verma   Aug 03, 2017 07:58 PM

      This is a complete picture of a student's life in our country and honestly, the mention of comparison with a girl who has topped as well as the parents giving advises about what needs to be done, were something I can relate to. I think Indian parents are excessively worried and protective of the future of their children which leads to such behaviour. They need to trust them and assure their children that they will always be there through every thick and thin. Every Indian student will be able to relate to some or the other point mentioned.

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