• 25 Apr
    Yakata Sharma

    Bold is beautiful!

    bold is beautiful

    Rajat—Babe! You didn’t put Kajal in your eyes today?

    Neha—Kajal?? Really! Why all of a sudden a conversation on kajal?

    Rajat—Ah! I am just telling you. Kajal will make your eyes look really beautiful…and he winked.

    Neha (giggled) – yeah yeah! I shall put it right now JUST FOR YOU.

    AND this was just a beginning!

    Months later, Rajat started commenting on Neha’s physique. Neha, just like any other Indian girl was wheatish (Indian Standard of Skin color Scheme) in color and had a voluptuous body. She was not fascinated by the new “size zero” trend prevalent in the society but Rajat was! He never let go of any chance to demoralize Neha in terms of her body figure. Neha didn’t pay heed to such comments and took it all jovially.

    8 months later Rajat called off his relationship with Neha. He humiliated her, commenting on her skin color and physical appearance... Neha was shattered by the words he used before ending the conversation.

    To overcome this rejection Neha soon joined a gym and invested majority of her leisure time working on self. She became so obsessed with “weight loss” trend that she started looking like a lanky figure rather than a feminine.  She stopped eating proper food and started “crash diet” to lose weight quickly. Additionally, she became a lot more cranky and preferred to stay aloof. She avoided social gatherings and was left with only a few friends in school. She stopped her evening games and blindly followed “diet” and “weight loss” programs.   

    “Weight loss” regime gave quick results and boys approached Neha once again. The lost self–esteem redeemed itself but only for some time, however. The boys who approached her were fascinated by her “new avatar” but couldn’t resist their love for “fair skin”. Neha realized that weight control was in her hands but she is helpless about her skin color. She couldn’t change her skin color. And this thing started bothering her once again. She tried every beauty product, within her reach, just in case might turn her fairer in color.

    Neha was merely 16 years old when she got her first reality check about the societal trend of Body Shaming and Skin Beauty.

    Beauty… Is it all about fair skin and slimmer physique only??

    History too defined beauty in a very simple way. Beauty lies in one’s head and heart, one has to believe it. Beauty should be flaunted. But for that love for self is mandatory. Love the dusky smooth skin; love the fragile and petite figure; every part of the body...One has to make the world believe who you are, not believe what the world believes of you… (Lanka’s Princess, Kavita Kane).

    Years later Neha got a marriage proposal and faced another criticism on her skin color. She did not let go of such golden opportunity. She herself called off the proposal and made the boy realize that it was his loss and not hers. 

    Presently, Neha has given up on society trends (Body Shaming) and is back to her basic body type. She is no more part of “size zero” mania. She loves herself more and is not ready to compromise in life on account of her looks. She motivates young girls to love their respective body type and not feel disheartened if someone judges them on such physical attributes.

    More importantly, she organizes “Family orientation” programs so that Parents, as well as a child from his/her early developmental stages, should understand the repercussions of body shaming.

     Social media too has come up with a lot of commercials with the tagline “bold is beautiful.” It is important that individually girls should analyze their worth on the basis of their hard work, confidence, and assertiveness rather than relying upon the parameters of physical attributes. If they witness such episodes they should “voice it out” instead of becoming a victim of the situation. 

    It’s time to Be Bold, Be Beautiful!

     

    Responses 1

    • Radhika Goel
      Radhika Goel   Jul 17, 2017 12:44 PM

      My family members often tell my sister, "You were born so white" "What happened to your skin?" "How did you manage to become brown after being gifted with such beautiful a color" 

      These are the views of an all brown, middle-class family. My sister a mere age of 10 has already been told her body is not good enough and it will never be unless she is fair. These thoughts will bother her more as soon as she becomes a teenager. Even if she loved herself, she will question everything about her body and become a victim of 'body shaming' because her own family shames her body. 

      Therefore, there is a need for families to realise that beauty lies in the heart and people's personalities and not in their bodies. They need to realise the kind of impact their comments can have on a child's psyche.

  • 24 Mar
    Yakata Sharma

    Sexuality and the society

     “Never ever do anything which will bring disgrace to the family.” “What?? Don’t roll your eyes on me, Shweta. You know we live in a society and we are answerable to people.”---spoke Mrs. Kapoor, while packing Shweta’s belongings. Shweta was leaving for her new abode the very same day.

    Within a few months she loved her work and enjoyed it more. The new workplace environment, her new colleagues, regular office parties were a few things she looked forward to. On various occasions she showcased her skills; remained on toes and left no stone unturned to please the client(s).

    Soon Shweta was chosen master of the ceremony. Her boss was super excited to see the young bud so enthusiastically involved the whole evening. The party was merely a platform to make new connections. Shweta too didn’t let go of the opportunity.

    When can we meet next?”—Shweta asked her partner with a coquettish grin. She was in love with a girl and realized her sexual orientation lately. “I never felt such an excitement in life until now. With her around me I feel great, complete as an individual”—confronted Shweta to herself.

    And one fine day she told her mother about her sexual orientation. Her mother didn’t understand it first and thought it to be a joke.

    She was petrified to know about it and couldn’t accept the harsh reality. Shweta tried every possible way to tell her mother that it was the way she wanted to live life and would not change her individuality for the sake of society. Since that day her mother insisted her to seek clinical assistance to get rid of the “issue.” 

    Her mother didn’t let go of any chance to humiliate her. She tried to get her engaged with a guy with an intention that initiating things with him will make Shweta ignore her sexual orientation. Soon a cold wave hit mother-daughter relationship.

    Shweta tried to persuade her mother not to ignore the matter but to talk about it. Although she knew that her mother wouldn’t readily accept her sexual orientation however, she didn’t lose hope. Her deliberate ignorance of her daughter’s sexuality and insistence to seek clinical assistance for treatment was the sole cause of Shweta’s mental distress which eventually started affecting her day-to-day life activities.

    Shweta is not alone in this fight against the society. There are many who have kept their sexuality under the wrap with a consistent fear that the society may outcaste them anytime the truth comes out. But is this fear justified?? Why is the acceptance of an individual’s sexual orientation in our society a big deal??

    People need to understand that sexual orientation, just like other developmental process, can be understood best by the psychological theory of nature vs. nurture. The reasons for one’s sexual preference can be genetic or environmental. It’s high time we, as a society should understand that Homosexuality is no disease; Being a gay or not is totally an individual’s choice. In 1994, the APA (American Psychological Association) stated that homosexuality is neither a mental illness nor a moral depravity. It is the way a portion of the population expresses human love and sexuality.

    We, as a society, should have a non-judgmental attitude towards homosexuals; should provide a platform to them so that they can freely “come-out” and live their lives in peace.

    It’s a matter of grave concern to understand the psychological status of a person, who doesn’t have a freedom to express his/her sexual choice. People expect full family support in such situations. But in majority of cases minimal or zero family-support remains the key factor in their enhanced distress.

    People should understand that sexual orientation doesn’t define one’s character or abilities to excel in life. Sexual preference of an individual is as normal as his preference of other earthly matters namely, clothing, food, education, etc. 

    Shweta’s mother should have provided her an assertive and supportive platform to discuss the matter rather than tagging her sexual orientation a clinical problem.

     As a society we should stop judging people’s sexual preferences; exams are enough to do so...!

     

    Responses 1

    • Radhika Goel
      Radhika Goel   Jul 17, 2017 01:08 PM

      "My friend is gay" said I. 

      I was asked several demeaning questions about his life choices, my decision to be friends with him and so on and so forth. It wasn't even me who was gay. These are the kind of opinions parents and rest of the society hold. 

      It is appalling to know that just because people chose to love people of the same gender, they are treated as outcasts and looked down upon. Love is a beautiful thing to experience. Shouldn't we be happy that people are able to find love? Is the person's sexual orientation so important to society that we will question and threaten them and even label them as sick? 

      People in the past have been made to suffer from painful hormonal therapy to change their sexual orientations. Haven't we progressed enough today to feel sorry for the way we have treated them and now treat them with respect? No person's sexual orientation affects their capabilities and talents and hence their ability to add to the world's workforce. However, society's treatment of them, their parents non-acceptance of their children affects them and hence their ability to perform to the best of their abilities.

  • 30 Jan
    Yakata Sharma

    Addiction--- A Path towards self-destruction

    alcohol addiction

     

     

    Rohan just like another small- town adolescent had just one big dream: to become a rich man. He left no stone unturned to pass his boards with flying colors and got enrolled in an esteemed college of the city. Within a short span of time, the new freedom, negligible family interaction, so-called ‘cool’ peers and easy access to alcohol and drugs made him more fascinated towards this new life.

     

    Undoubtedly, Rohan was brainy and so became the talk of the college campus. The faculty felt elated to have him in their classroom(s). However, this popularity did not affect him to deviate from his well-set goal. Computers, gadgets, science and technology kept him busy 24*7. The new city finally welcomed him with warmth and open arms.

     

    A few distractions here and there were all what made Rohan’s college life quite eventful. Within 3 years of college he worked hard on his academics as well as his communication skills to leave an impression on the Interview panel so that he could be placed with one of the leading firms/organizations.

     

    By the end of the academic calendar, a plethora of companies visited the college campus to select the prospective candidates for their respective firms. With great expectations and hope Rohan too faced interview sessions for a few companies. The final call for the selected candidates was yet to be declared.

     

    Like Everyone, Rohan too expected that he would be amongst the luckiest guys of his batch to be employed in first attempt. Till the time results were declared, Rohan got busy with night life of the city. Just like other aspects of life he excelled in this area too. Soon this new fascination became an integral part of his life. He was no more an occasional drinker now.

     

    And then came the D day: Campus Placement results were declared.  Rohan, very excitedly went to see the notice board. He couldn’t believe his eyes and with sheer disappointment, he came back to his room and could not understand what just happened!

    Rohan Kapoor—the most sincere, dedicated and deserving candidate of college, FAILED the Interview.

     

    Rohan was taken aback with such a drastic twist in his path of glory. He couldn’t handle the FAILURE and had a nervous breakdown.  His friends too couldn’t help him cope-up with this situation.  He preferred being secluded from his friends. To avoid any confrontation, he stopped talking to his Parents too. To overcome he switched to unhealthy coping strategies namely, alcohol. Once an occasional drinker was now turned into a binge drinker.

     

    His drinking behavior no longer remained a secret. The worried faculty informed his Parents about his newly developed habits and suggested psychological counseling. The Parents preferred to take Rohan back home so that they could be around him 24*7 to provide a healthy and supporting environment. He resisted their decision and hence was forcefully asked by the college administration to seek clinical help before appearing for another placement interview.

     

    The wait for next interview seemed interminable. Without daily intake of alcohol he started having behavioral issues. He showed tantrums, became overly-aggressive and even sometimes turned violent with the family members.   

     

      Keeping in mind his rapidly deteriorating condition, his Parents did seek clinical assistance. It was not that Rohan himself didn’t want to improve his condition but he just couldn’t do so. With consistent efforts of the Family he somehow, agreed to seek professional assistance.

     

    Initially, he visited his counselor regularly but soon his visits to the counselor decreased and eventually, ceased. He didn’t tell his parents about the termination of clinical procedures. He made sure that he didn’t get caught and so continued to leave home as per the schedule. And to Parent’s relief, he no more was having any behavioral issues.….

     

    A few weeks passed peacefully and one night Rohan didn’t return from his counseling session. His mobile was unreachable. His counselor when approached informed that Rohan stopped coming for counseling therapy long time back. Everyone at home was shocked and terrified with a thought that if he stopped going for his counseling sessions then where was he going? Whom was he meeting? What was he doing all this while!

     

    Next day they got a phone call from a Police station. Rohan was found! The family rushed to the station and found Rohan inside the bars. The inspector informed that he was found creating nuisance in a nearby locality and almost tried to kill a person who refused to provide him a bottle of alcohol. With a common consent it was decided that Rohan had to be institutionalized till he recovers.  Rohan had lost all his decision-making and judgment skills. He was as good as a 5 year old cranky child.

     

    It took a year for Rohan to completely get de-addicted of alcohol. Soon he reverted to his professional life. He got placed with a leading IT company and is working really hard to achieve his sole goal in life. Now he doesn’t let any FAILURE affect him and handles it with Healthy coping skills.

    Excerpts from Rohan…….

    “I really didn’t know was that the alcohol addiction I was fighting for or my failures in life?” “Whatever it was I realize now Alcohol is not the solution to problems.” “But alcohol addiction is surely a path leading towards self-destruction.”

    Image source

    Yakata Sharma

    Clinical Psychologist|Masters with 4 years of experience

    M Sc Psychology, PhD Clinical Psychology
  • 02 Jan
    eWellness Expert

    How the Best Drug Rehabilitation Offers ‘Opportunity and a Sense of Light’: Recovering Addicts Share Their Stories

    pixabay

    Anxiety is a condition that many people are working to overcome — including many who are also struggling to conquer an addiction to drugs or alcohol.

     

    Unfortunately, people battling both anxiety and addiction often find that the conditions seem to work together to make life even more challenging. But we learned through our conversations with people in recovery that seeking treatment for their substance abuse issues can not only help them achieve lasting sobriety, it can also provide them the skills they need to cope with their anxiety.

     

    Here are a few personal stories from brave addiction survivors currently in recovery that we hope will not only help those struggling with addiction, but also help people searching for ways to cope with their anxiety.

     

    Cody turns to music to keep him sober and steady

     

    Cody admitted that his decision to seek treatment was riddled with fear — and on his first day at a rehabilitation center, he wasn’t sure he’d made the right choice.

     

    “When I first got [there], I was really scared. I was shaking — I was scared to death,” he said.

     

    To calm his anxiety, he turned to the one sober source of comfort he’d always been able to rely on: music.

     

    “I grabbed my guitar and there was literally a concert going on: everybody’s eyes were all on me, and it really changed my whole perspective,” he explained. “It’s probably the first time I ever actually played sober, and it felt really good. It gave me hope.”

     

    And it wasn’t just comforting. He said his sobriety and time in addiction treatment at Michigan’s Best Drug Rehabilitation truly inspired him:

     

    “I wrote more songs in the time that I’ve been [in treatment] than I have in my entire life.”

     

    Early on in his rehabilitation, he learned that there were ways to cope with his fears without having to turn to drugs or alcohol — a valuable lesson that he still relies on to get him through tough times.

     

    “I came to this realization that inner peace starts with the things around me, and I’ve always thought that it starts within myself,” he revealed. “Now it starts with the things around me.”

     

    Kenny learned how to get off of a debilitating ‘emotional roller coaster’

     

    For those fighting chronic anxiety, an addiction, or both, life certainly has its ups and downs — and Kenny said that’s especially true when you’re trying to find the path to a better way of living.

     

    “I often feel that when detoxing off any substance, you’re going through an emotional roller coaster,” he surmised.

     

    But he said his treatment helped him build a toolkit for dealing with his urges to use and his anxiety.

     

    He explained, “The main thing to do is to find certain things that take your mind off of the outside world, and off the facility and off of stress and tension — for me, that’s working out.”

     

    “I am working on finding my own personal happiness and lighting that flame inside of me,” he continued, “and I feel like once I find that happiness and it’s secure, then sobriety will be the least of what I’m worried about.”

     

    Megan finally got the help she needed after a decade of struggling

     

    Before seeking treatment for her cocaine and gambling addiction, Megan said achieving lasting mental wellness was a constant battle.

     

    “I have been inpatient for mental health issues, long-term, about four times,” she explained. “I was on psych meds for 12 years. At one point, I was on 16 different psych meds.”

     

    She was terrified to learn that as part of her treatment she would be taken off of her prescribed medication. She had no idea how she would be able to cope with the stress of life, not to mention her new life free of drugs and alcohol.

     

    But as it turned out, she found a surprising source of support — her recovery coaches.

     

    “A lot of them have experience in most of the issues that I deal with, and that’s a huge thing for me too, because I have been to places where people have only been trained and read books on addiction and mental health issues,” she said. “But you can’t really get it unless you experience it.”

     

    Her peers demonstrated a similar compassion and understanding that she said was crucial to her recovery:

     

    “Everyone’s very accepting. There’s next to no judgment around what has happened in your life or what you have done in your life, and everyone understands that this is a new start — and we are here to rebuild our lives from this point on.”

     

    Now days away from her graduation, she has more hope than ever for the future.

     

    “I haven’t been working because of my mental health issues,” she said. “I’m at a point now where I feel like after I leave here, I will be ready to go back to work.”

     

    Of course, not everyone with an anxiety disorder,  also suffers from addiction. But we think that much of what the recovery graduates told us offers wonderful insight for those whose anxiety feels like too much to bear. The little things in life we find joy in truly can be a wonderful source of comfort, be it an interest in music, people who understand our personal struggles, or even an active pursuit of happiness through a changed mindset.

     

    We all deserve to be happy, and if we’re having trouble finding it on our own, there is no shame in reaching out for help.

     

    As Kenny said, “If you have a second opportunity, you should take it and uplift it to the fullest because you don’t know when the opportunity might run short. [Going to treatment gave] me an opportunity and a sense of light.”

     

  • 10 Nov
    Oyindrila Basu

    He defined love, but distorted it himself….

    cheating in love

     

    Samar: Look I just don’t want to keep any contact with you. It would be better if you don’t call me again.

    Me: But….. but why are you doing this? We have spent so much good time together.

    Samar: No, I do not have time for all this. The relation will not have any future, so I feel I am just using you.

    Me: why do you think, the relation won’t have a future, ofcourse, when you get a job at Bangalore, we can still be in touch over the phone and net.

    Samar: No I just don’t want to continue, I don’t want keep a contact, I have my girlfriend….. you know that don’t you? so please don’t bother me.

    Me: Samar I can’t force you, but the relation has been very precious to me. I have been serious, please don’t break it up like this, atleast we can be friends… you take your time… think over it…. After few years if you feel, your mind has changed, then we can settle on something…

    Samar: I don’t want, I just said…………. If I ever feel like, I will call you……now please leave….

    Me: Yes, if you feel like, please call me….

     

    I waited, several days, several months, but never the call from Samar came to my cell. Whenever there was an unknown number, I would presume that it could be him, calling from elsewhere, because he was missing me, and wanted to communicate, but perhaps not owning up.

    This last telephonic conversation with him is still fresh in my mind, I may be sounding like a nagging child, a person who is so cheap as to go on and on with the pleas for getting love back, when the other person doesn’t just want to continue, but remember Geet’s dialogue, “Jab Koi Pyaa mein hota hai, to kuch sahi galat nahi hota”, I guess it is true.

    And I was just in my tweens, and he was my first love, yes even today, I won’t shy away from admitting it, he was my first love, but he never loved me back.

    Months passed away, me brooding over this disastrous break up.

    I cried and cried every morning as soon as I woke up. The regular pain was unbearable, but I kept attending classes in my college, I could not openly tell my parents anything, but they knew something was wrong with me, and that was even more embarrassing for me.

    Only a few of my friends knew my story, some were with me some went against my ideology. But I persisted with my ‘depression’ for 3 long years, yes today I know it was severe depression, which distorted my health, well I do not complain about it, for that helped me achieve a lovely size-zero figure. J

    I kept mailing him, sometimes with sad love songs, sometimes quotes (well I really did not know, what better these things could do for me), but as a young tween in my 1st year, I felt this could convey my heart’s agony to him. There was not a single response.

    The mails from my side continued, sometimes like “you nasty bastard, you asshole……….. you cheapo………..you will die in the drain”, because I would be just so angry at myself for loving a person, who was just passing his free time with me. I blamed myself, “why? Why didn’t I realize it that day, the very first day….!”

     

    The social hangout hub of City Centre was blazing with lights. The Sunday evening is never very peaceful there. Mobbed with faces, the shopping mall just shows how enthusiastic the city can be.

    I was with two of my friends, my best friend Asmita, who was already head over heels for Samar, and Ritica, who has always been a positive supporter. I have dressed myself up properly with the best I could. For the first time in 20 years I was going to meet a boy alone, though the purpose was to convince him accept the love of my friend Asmita, who had admitted to me already that she could not live without me.

    You must be wondering, why would a stranger listen to me! Well the story goes 6 months back, when I had visited the college fest of Asmita as a guest.

    She was in an engineering college, and I was a student of English, that too in a girls’ college. Girls’ school, girls’ college, no boys, no fun………and ofcourse no idea :/ hence the disaster.

    Anyway, the day I visited their college, I came to know who were the most notorious people in their campus, one of whom was Samar. The group popular for drugs, drinks, smoke, politics, and no attending classes.

    After a week or two, Asmita informed, that Samar had noticed me and had enquired about me to her. Someone has noticed me, appreciated me, oh my God! That was so exciting. Anyway, Asmita was in love with him, so I was not thinking anything for myself.

    I started chatting with him over Orkut, I can say, the first move was from his side, he had tracked me down and sent me a friend request (today the site is an obsolete one, but in those days, it was the hot cake, the first social networking site).

    And our chats continued, with Asmita in focus, from my side, though he always wanted to avoid her in the topic of discussion, but whatsoever the chats went long and long, and the café manager’s bill too J

    I was liking it. The new experience was good, though I scolded myself because I should not be feeling this way.

    Finally, we decided to meet at City Centre. I was ready with my backups, Asmita and Ritica. As 5.00 PM was approaching, I was having roller coasters in my stomach. Asmita was equally excited, for she would get a glimpse of him.

    He came, we met him, my friends left me and went home. I was confused what I was going to say, I was nervous, but I didn’t let that show on my face.

    He spoke about himself, I spoke about Asmita. But Samar clearly said: “Asmita is a junior to me, I know what you are trying to say, but I can never accept her love, why don’t we speak about us, I like you.”

    I was upset because I attempted something and I failed, but I was also anxious, whether it was a new beginning for me. I know you will feel what kind of a girl am I! If Samar did not accept Asmita, I should have left without a word.

    But truth is stranger than fiction. When the logic is clear that he did not like Asmita but me, then how could my quitting help her!

    Samar and I had a long conversation. He admitted that he was one of the bad guys. He was popular among girls, but he had never been serious with anyone. Heart breaks were his type, and he cared less to imbibe any bad habit.

    He had a girlfriend in college, with whom his friends put him into a relationship.

    But after all these discussions, I felt even more attracted towards his personality. Why is it so? Why is it that girls always fall for the bad guy?

    It’s a psychology, opposites attract! It’s in your mind, that when a person is preaching his bad sides to you, he must be a good person in nature, or else he would be pretending to be good, and I thought the same, and it is evident how wise I was.

    He was playing with my mind. “So is this the end, are we not meeting again?”, I said with hesitation “may be not”.

    A new phase of life started, our midnight phone calls began, our long discussions on his hobbies, my hobbies, what he liked about me etc. etc.

    One day he revealed that his playboy nature was because of a severe wound he received from a girl in his high school, whom he had loved.

    But she had rejected his proposal. His girlfriend in college was a namesake, and it was not yet time for his family to know about her, or may be the time would never be. 

    The game could not have been better. I sympathized with him, and as a ‘wise’ and ‘intelligent’ girl, I believed that I could change him, give him a better life.

    On the other side Asmita had begun hating me for this. I loved my friend too, but I could never explain her the situation. I myself was unsure of what I was doing.

    We started dating each other, occasionally, I loved our walks in the evenings, the hesitant touches, and the long long conversations. I was already into the relationship.

    But one day, he started avoiding me. He would not call, and when I called, he spoke to me as if it did not matter anymore, he didn’t care I was happy or hurt. He had played his game, and now it was my necessity to continue the relationship.

    I would call him at alternate nights to speak, but he was most reluctant to. He usually kept quiet with occasionally monosyllabic replies.

    Meetings had reduced in frequency. I did not know what was happening. I have always been a strong person, but this was difficult for me to handle. The regular anxiety was attacking, painful, disrespectful, but I didn’t even wish to end it.

    Finally, this telephonic conversation after a year of relationship, though I know now, that probably it was one-sided.

    He was just making a joke, for I later came to know from one of his friends that he was just trying to win a bet with his friends, by winning me over. Every day, he went on a date with me, he discussed them with his friends in minute detail, about what we have talked, what we have done, it has been just fun for him. He wanted to win the challenge.

    After this information, I just wanted to kill myself. After a breakup, there will always be a reconsideration on your self-respect, on top of that when we come to know, that you have just been a chess piece for someone’s game, you suddenly start hating yourself for your foolery, your idiocy, and to compensate and regain your self-respect, you wish to achieve what is impossible.

    And hence started my chase for Samar. When he was posted to Bangalore on job, I found out his new number from one of his senior colleagues, whom I have not heard of ever, after trying to connect with him for months (you can imagine the effort it required for this search).

    I called him up, “Hello, how are you, are you good?” only to hear, “how did you get my number, how dare you call me up hear? Don’t you dare do this kind of nuisance again”.

    It took me almost 3 years to recover from the mental shock, but as I said, I have always been a strong person, and have lived my life on my own terms, so the responsibility of my mistake was mine.

    I never blamed anyone else, I never revealed the event to anyone in my family to avoid further humiliation. My mother has seen me suffering, I was irritable, anguished, I often spoke rudely with her, but she bore with me, in silence and resilience.

    Depression has its side effects and I have been through all of them. Days were long, when I wished for never ending nights. I refused to eat, refused to accept any normal activity. But my family has always been a support even in my stubbornness.

    Today I realise, how foolish and stupid I have been. I laugh at my own actions today. Imagine sending love songs! Ridiculous!

    I started believing that love was bull-shit, all that our Hindi movies displayed was fantasy, mere eulogization, I had lost all faith on people.

    There was nothing called real, no-one was real, no emotion was real, I believed. This is a phase which will last with you for quite some time, if you face with a breakup for which you have not been responsible.

    I felt humiliated, insulted, rejected as a human being. Dejection was my friend, nothing positive was there, but I tried convincing myself, that “I will succeed in life, one incident cannot destroy my spirit completely, if this happens, he will win, the crook will win…I have to recover, I have to be the game changer”. May be this strong perseverance is the only thing, that helped me move on.

    I cannot finish my story without mentioning about my husband, who was somewhat related to this incident (I won’t name or mention how), but he had also helped me come out of my Utopic world (where I believed love can change everything), he made me face the reality.

    Today we are a happy couple, and before marriage, I have been in a long term relation with him, this period helped me identify love in a new way.

    Love is not just about feeling, or about attraction, but it is a commitment, about responsibility towards each other, and I have realized these qualities in my husband in these 5 years.

    Today when I recall Samar, I laugh at how I have behaved at that time, I do not hold any grudge against him today, because he is no longer important. But I can never forget or forgive him for the three long years of my life that have been wasted in suffering.

    With my experience I can say, get the first warning of a one-sided relationship, when your partner is just not interested to initiate any action.

    Rather when you feel, that you are the only one, who is calling, or planning for movie dates, or dinners, get the hint, that something is wrong, and what you feel is love, can only be your own feeling, not his.

    If he doesn’t love you, your painful letters or mails cannot convert him, he is least bothered, so please don’t waste your precious time, move ahead, but don’t get vulnerable. End of one bad relation doesn’t mean you have to get into another immediately, because someone is sympathizing with you.

    Do your work, take your time, life will give you the maturity to handle yourself, and rediscover the essence of love, relationship, friendship and commitment.

     

     

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