10 Aug
Pooja Sarkar

Mom, I am worthless, good for nothing.

 mother and daughter

Every day my family and I used to have our dinner together. One day my 19yrs old daughter came late to the dinner table and there was discussion regarding politics and sports. My daughter was quite reluctant to participate on that day. Still, after pushing her many times, he shouted at me and said to me that – “I am worthless, I am good for nothing. Please leave me alone.” I became speechless to hear it.

She is our single child, we stay in an extended family. My daughter was pre-mature baby, that’s why she had some severe respiratory problem after birth. She has been introvert since her childhood, but she was throughout good in study. She used to have a few friends throughout her entire life. On her very first day in school, she cried the most among all kids. She was facing many difficulties in sharing her own belongings. She didn’t even have any close friend in her school.

Our family was quite rigid and conservative. When she went to college, in a broader society, she started to face some troubles to mix up with others as in home she used to be the center of attention all the time, she got attention without asking anything also. But in the broad area there are acceptance and rejection as well. She always wanted to be isolated from everyone. She never felt comfortable in crowds. My husband also is reserved to some extent. Some odd event has happened that day in her school, my daughter couldn’t handle it. She always had a craving for doing the best in class. On her 6th grade, she couldn’t do well as she was not well physically, she burst out in anger that time. She couldn’t even take any criticism about her. She wants to live with herself. No one can be accepted by everyone. For her withdrawn nature, she became aloof from everyone, then she has concluded that she is worthless, she can’t do anything.

What all mothers should do when their child is facing with the similar kind of problem:

  • Let your children feel their hurt: When one goes to this stage many Neuro chemical changes happen in the body and due to that many negative thoughts come to the mind. Finding and healing hurt is one of ways you can do.
  • Teach them it can be ok as a human: When we are upset, we lose our ability to be human. Every human feels the pain, its not exception with her. She has to be understood. Make your child understand that learning is done by mistakes. Life isn’t a popularity contest, don’t judge yourself by other’s views.
  • Does self-evaluation: Self-evaluation will be helpful for me to understand yourself in a better way, when one can evaluate her/his own self,he/she will be very helpful with their own.
  • Live in present: Everyone should live in the present instead of living in the past or in future. Tell yourself that, you can do better than today.
  • List down your strength points: Always list down your strength parts every day, so that no one can make you down mistakenly.
  • Go through Autobiographies of enthusiastic figure: Any enthusiastic story makes you understand how one goes to the highest form, at the beginning, every successful person faces struggle and after that they can reach to that level. Each small dots can make a big line.
  • Go and communicate with others: Communication helps you to get connected with different people and you can understand one’s perspective about you and so on.

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Responses 1

  • Sanjna Verma
    Sanjna Verma   Aug 16, 2017 10:03 PM

    This is such a relatable story. Not every child but someone or the other must have gone through this 'I am good for nothing' phase. As mentioned above, parents have a major role to play so as to ensure a healthy living for the child. They should try to understand what their child is going through. At this age, a child needs his parents not just for gaining advice but also as a 'friend' to understand what they go through.

    Parents, especially in India I have seen that they are quite possessive of their children but it does happen that they try to keep them away from every trivial obstacle in their lives. From getting good marks in Boards, getting a good college to getting a secure job. They do not let their child to bounce back therefore the kids feel threatened by failure. Plus the expectations of the parents to be perfect can also play a part. 

    The child should be encouraged of support no matter what the child does.